peace

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That’s Inspiring

I have asked this question before through Facebook and seem to get the same answers from a high number of people. They say that their children inspire them.  A friend of mine posed the same question to her friends and received a slightly different set of comments but it brought me back to the answer I received on mine.

I think it’s fantastic that your children inspire you.  Our children keep us young at heart and motivated to stay good people, amongst other things.  But it is important to think about what else inspires you.  What happens when your children are grown and have lives of their own?  You will need to be sure that you have many sources of inspiration to keep you going.  You should be sure that you are close to the top of that list.

When you draw from several sources, your options are wide open.  After giving it thought I came up with my own short list.  It is incomplete at the moment because I know I need to give it further thought.

InspirationI am inspired by challenges in my life that force me to look inside for strength.  I seem to thrive on the personal challenges that I take on, the challenges where I force myself to step outside the box and say, “I’m not really sure that I can do this,” then I do it. I’ve learned to stop looking for outside motivation as often, I turn within.  I find ways to pull my own energy into higher thought and search my spirituality for inspiration and encouragement.  When I need it externally, I read different authors such as, Napoleon Hill, Bob Proctor, Don Miguel Ruiz, Anthony, etc.  I talk with my family, they know me well enough to give me strength in just the right areas when I need it.  I am inspired by dreams of my future, friends, reminding myself of what I’m grateful for, other people’s accomplishments, music, love, hope and happiness. 

I can’t stress enough how important it is to have more than one source of inspiration and to know what know what they are.  It will help you get out of situations when you find you’re having a bad day.  Make your list, include as much as possible.  You can write it or create a collage.  Keep your list with you.  Draw from it on your down days or when you need a pick-me up.  Reading or looking at it will trigger happier thoughts to help you move forward.

If you can create your own inspiration, you have truly won.  Be sure to find ways to be your own hero and inspiration.  There is nothing truly like it.

Thank you for stopping by.  Please check out the list of other inspirational posts in the side bar.

Missy Bell

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My Unborn Child – Fascinating Results From My Tarot Reading

In the spring of ‘95

You were due to be born

I find after all this time

I still do mourn

I wonder if there was anything

That I could have done

But then I think

Of our second son

I shouldn’t be sad

But after 18 years

I still find that

My eyes fill with tears

It’s human nature

To play that “What if” game

In my heart I know

Our lives wouldn’t be the same

I can’t help but wonder

After all was said and done

If he is your spirit

The two of you are one

Maybe you just weren’t ready

To be born in May

Perhaps July 28th

Was your special day

I still mourn you

Because I guess I’ll never know

So my love and appreciation

For him does grown

I’ll think of you often

And blow kisses to the sky

To my long lost child

My girl, or my guy

I’ll think of you still

And hope that one day

We will meet in Heaven

This is what I pray

I wrote this poem a long time ago.  Please don’t be sad.  I dug this up because I had a tarot card reading the other day and the woman explained to me that my daughter, whom she did not know about, is the one who is causing doors to slam, footsteps in the hall, cold spots in the house, door handles jiggling, voices that more than one of us hear at the same time, what felt like knees in my back from the backseat of the car, seeing “shadow children,” and the TV turning off and on.  I was told she is a prankster and likes to hide things on my son’s girlfriend just to mess with her.  I asked Nic if her things go missing when she is here, without explaining what I knew.  She said yes.  She puts things in places and later they are moved.

I am fascinated by all of this.  It brings me peace and comfort to think that she has been with us off and on.  I will forever cherish that information.  It makes me feel that after all this time, I never really lost her.

Unborn Child Tarot ReadingThis was my first ever tarot reading and I almost didn’t do it.  I had wanted a palm reading instead but they were too busy.  I guess it was meant to be.

For further information about my tarot reading, keep an eye on my other blog site, Where The Ghosts Live – The Haunted United States ~ Missy Bell.

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A Vision of Peace and Wonder

As we were driving to our destination today I witnessed an unexpected flock of birds take flight.  As I anticipated their next move I was fascinated by the fluidity with which they moved together as a group, changing direction together, They seemed indecisive as to where their destination was and I was curious if they were deciding in mid flight or if they had somehow communicated this decision prior to take off and this was just an attempt to get everyone headed in the right direction.  Did only one of them know which direction they needed to fly to get where they were going?  Did they get started and one of them decided to be the leader, head to the front and command to be followed?  Perhaps they are exercising or just spreading their wings. Maybe this is how they play.

I could most likely find answers to their aviary patterns, and why they do what they do, but I don’t have the desire to know.  I would rather be in awe, let it remain a mystery to me so that when I see them again, I can be free to ask these questions in my head, create my own scenarios.  It makes it more of a wonder, a gift.  If I knew, it may take away it’s splendor, my amazement of it all, the glory, the beauty.

Watching birds in flight is one of the many things that brings me peace.  The view may not last long but it is simple, free and amazing.

What is something that you enjoy that would be better left unexplained in order for you to continue enjoying it?

weiselcantlin2

Increase Happiness and Have More Peace in Your Life

1384302_10151680609588456_86415627_nI wanted to do a brief recap of what I have been up to with this blog site.  I reached 50 posts yesterday and I wanted to run down a brief description of my top 10 favorites, (including a few that have two parts.)  I hope you’ll take a moment and find one that will resonate with you and spend a few minutes reading it.  I promise, it could make a big difference in your life by bringing a smile to your face, reducing your stress, making you feel inspired, giving you new strategies or provide you with a new perspective that could make all the difference in your life or in many others ways.  My goal with this site is to do a little bit of all of that for as many people as possible.  Please feel free to share this as often as you’d like so I can serve my purpose of helping many.

I’ve been told that I have it easy in life.  I’ve been told I have it all and I’m lucky to be so happy.  Luck.  That’s not the word I would use.  I am happy because I choose to be and I put a great deal of effort behind it. I have not been immune to tragedies, disappointments and negative circumstances, tt’s all a matter of what I have chosen to do with my life; how I choose to see it and what I choose to feel and think about it.  That is how I guess I make it look easy.  It’s because it can be.  All of it.  Nothing needs to be so difficult.  It takes work, all of it.  So, as I learn by living my life the best way I know how, including falling and getting up and dusting myself off, I discover new ways of how to help myself and in turn, I share them with you here.  After all, I feel we are on this earth to help each other get through it.  All that being said, take my hand.  I will lead you down a few of my paths of self discovery and what has come from them.  Hopefully, you will find my posts of help to you in your life.  If so, please “like” the ones you enjoyed and follow this page.

It was not easy to choose only 10 out of the 50 so please review the categories to see if there is something else that would be helpful to you.  Follow this blog for future inspirations, tips and hints on how to increase your peace and happiness.  (If you see a few that you are interested in reading, simply right click and open each one in a new tab so you can come back to the others.)

TOP 10 OF 50 – To Read, Click the Titles

  1. “The Affects of Stress and How to Begin Reducing It” and “Live By Your Own Rules – Stress Reduction Part 2,” is the first series I blogged about due to its importance to our health.  With some of the most major results of stress being deadly, I felt it was important to start with this subject by helping you to gain a better understanding of stress, what causes it and how to reduce it. With this information we can begin our journey to a happier life with greater peace. I hope you will read these, if nothing else.  It may honestly help you live longer.
  2. “United, Through the Sorrow, the Tears, the Humanity, the Trauma, the Healing – A September 11 Tribute,” takes you through a personal experience of September 11, 2001 and looks at how we, as a country are still dealing with our emotions from the tragedies of that day, more than 12 years ago.  I was actually awakened out of a dead sleep in tears, pulled to write this piece.  I am very proud of it.
  3. “22 Plus Years of Marriage – Our Secrets Revealed – Part 1,” and “22 Years of Marriage – Our Secrets Revealed – Part 2,” are actually in 2 parts due to the amount of important information.  I put a great deal of work into this.  I have been told that my husband and I are “lucky.”  The truth is, luck had nothing to do with us being together for this long.  It has taken a lot of work to make our relationship last and to get through the tough times.  These tips are part of what made it possible.  Every day we work at what we have so we can keep it.  Are you willing to do what it takes?  Read these two and find out.  Perhaps you will find a few tips that will help your relationship and some that I missed that you are willing to share.
  4. “How Well Do You Know Yourself,” is a very personal piece that takes a look inside who I am and how I was labeling myself inaccurately.  I let you in on the secrets of how I came to that realization.  It will make you think about yourself, where you are in your life and whether or not the labels you are placing on yourself are even true and how to move past them so you can improve your own life.
  5. Of all the poems I have written over my lifetime, “Heart Versus Mind,” is one of my many favorites.  It is the title of my poetry book that I have had published, “Heart Versus Mind: Words That Touch Your Heart by Missy Bell,” that is available at Amazon.com.  It is about a battle that ensues between our heart and our mind when we feel that we are in love and cannot be with that person.  If you love poetry, I highly recommend picking up a copy of my book.
  6. “Strategies to Stop Worrying.”  I love this piece.  If you find yourself consumed with worry, these strategies are amazing for helping you through it.  It talks about how worrying affects your body and mind and gives you practical solutions for situations within our control as well as how to reduce anxiety over the things you cannot control.  There are exercises included that help you evaluate what you are feeling and teach you how to change it.
  7. In, “A Simple Tip on How to Show Yourself Some Love,” I share with you a situation from my youth that helped change the way I look at things.  This was my first introduction to affirmations, although I didn’t know it then.  I composed a list of affirmations for you to print out to help you get started toward improving your self image.  This idea had a great response from readers through comments on the blog as well as on my Facebook.
  8. “Overcoming Fear – Tips and Strategies Part 1 – Heart Versus Mind” and Overcoming Fear – Part 2 – Tips and Strategies are a two part series that includes amazing ways to let go, overcome and conquer fear of just about any kind.  Fear can cripple us and stop us from doing things we would otherwise love.  I talk about the different types of fear, where they come from and how to move past them.  What is fear preventing you from accomplishing?
  9. “What Do You Mean, You Don’t Like Me.”  assures you that, not everyone will like us.  This post discusses why it is important to not let it bother you and gives you ways of looking at different situations so you are not as affected when you encounter a situation where you are butting heads with someone.  It also discusses the importance of responding (or not,) instead of just reacting.
  10. “20 Ideas That Give You More Time in Your Day,” gives you just what the title suggests.  Who couldn’t use more time in their day?  These tips are perfect for finding more time and getting more done or to have more time for relaxing or perusing your dreams.  What would you do with more time?

I am confident that you will find something in this lineup to help you increase your peace and happiness and reduce your stress.  With now more than 50 posts to choose from, there is sure to be many that you will resonate with.  I truly appreciate you stopping by, now, in the past and in the future.  I hope you will like and share this site as there will be a lot more to come.  You can also like me at my Facebook page, “Words That Touch Your Heart.”  My other blog is called, “Where the Ghosts Live.”  The Facebook for that site is “Where the Ghosts Live – The Haunted United States.”

Missy Bell

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What Do You Mean, You Don’t Like Me?

It should never be our goal in life to please everyone nor should we ever expect everyone to like us.

There will always be people who do not agree with our views or what we say, do or act around them, just as we too come across people we don’t like.  Everyone acts differently around different people.   Some people bring out the best in us and we can relate to them easily.  Some have an easy-going personality and aura, others do not.  Some people will make us uncomfortable or may offend us (sometimes unintentionally and sometimes intentionally.)  There are others who engage in lifestyles that we just don’t agree with and that may cause us to feel uneasy.  For whatever reason, we were not all meant to get along.

It is usually the people we don’t get along with who don’t like us.  There are others who will not like you and you have no idea why because you enjoy them.  If the friendship, or even business relationship is important to you, it never hurts to ask if there is a reason for (their actions that make you think they don’t like you or words that they say that are indicators.)  It’s then on them to be honest or glaze over the subject.  The way they are acting may just be a part of their personality and you were just taking it personal or they may reveal a true issue, in which case, you have a starting point to work with.  This should only be done with people you truly care about or enjoy being around.

For those who are just acquaintances who you don’t particularly plan on having in your life, it’s not important that they like you, at least, it shouldn’t be.  There’s no need to waste your energy worrying about it.  I’ve watched and heard people, and even been guilty of, wasting hours of time that could have been spent being productive, happy and positive instead, being disappointed and racking my brain trying to figure what I may have done wrong for them to dislike.  Let it go.  As long as you are being your authentic self, it doesn’t matter.  You shouldn’t try to change who you are just to please someone else.

One of my favorite says is from Eleanor Roosevelt, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”  Let them think what they want.  You, go on living as you normally would.  One thing I like to point out often is that we are with ourselves 24/7.  We are the only ones who are.  The most important person we should care about liking us, is ourselves.

If you are interested in more tips on how to decrease your stress and increase your happiness, please see the sidebar for categories or titles that may be of interest to you and feel free to follow this and share it with others.  You can also visit my newest blog site, “Where the Ghosts Live – The Haunted United States,” for all things paranormal.  Check that one out at http://www.WhereTheGhostsLive.WordPress.com.  Thank you for stopping by.  Please leave a comment to show your support.  ❤

Missy Bell

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Every Scar Carries a Fascinating Story

Every scar carries a fascinating story.  We have to remember this when dealing with other people and respect their individuality, even when we do not know what they have been through or cannot see those scars.

Most scars are often thought of as being visible on the body but there are many internal scars that people carry that are invisible.  Everyone carries some sort of internal scar on their heart or soul; each one is different and as unique as the person themselves.  You will not see these types of scars and have to remind yourself on occasion that they exist.  Most people don’t care to discuss them because they obviously bring up bad memories.  Discussing the reason for the scars causes them to recall that pain all over again. 

These scars are a part of that person.  They will often act in a certain way to avoid the very situation that caused it in the first place.  Think about that very carefully.  You may often wonder why people act the way they do and claim that you just don’t understand them.  If you keep in mind the invisible scars it will help you to realize that they may be acting in a certain way to avoid future scars of the same nature.

Let me give an example; if, when you were a child, you were screamed at every time you spoke up for yourself or every time you crossed someone’s path or got in the way, after a while, you would stop doing those things to avoid the confrontation.  Perhaps, you would do everything you could to avoid confrontation all together.  This could be a character trait that carries with you into adulthood and may perhaps, last a lifetime.  Other people may not understand why you are like that.  There is a great possibility that you don’t even understand why you do it or realize the cause of how it developed. 

There are many scenarios that could cause scars, even much deeper than this.  Since we are the only ones who are with us 24 hours a day, every day of the week, you may not realize what even your best friend or significant other went through during their day or what they have going on in their own head that causes them to act the way they do.  Some scars are formed by the things we say to ourselves.  These can be just as detrimental as anything someone else says to us.

We all need to be patient with others and realize that they did not experience the same things we did in our lives.  They come from different backgrounds, experienced different events and had different ways of interpreting situations.  No two people will ever be the same, even twins.  We need to have acceptance for that.  Once we do, we will relate better to those in our lives and not everything will be a struggle.  When someone acts differently from us, we will understand that there are underlying reasons.  It is not important to conform everyone to be just like us.  That would actually be detrimental.  It is not a battle we should even entertain.

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If you’d like a visual, look at a still photo of a group of people who are experiencing the same thing. The attached picture here is of my kids with their friends simply looking in the mirror for a photo.  Each and every one had a different expression on their face.  It’s because each of them were creating their own experience, their own way of interpreting something that simple and their own way of expressing their individuality.  It’s fascinating really.

So, the next time you notice someone acting differently from how you would and you find it strange, remember that there are reasons that you may never know, based on scars they may never be able to speak of.  Don’t point out that they are wrong or try to change them, merely try to understand that they are just different and they have their own reasons.  Acceptance goes a long way.

I encourage you to comment below with your feelings or examples of this and what you got out of it.  Please let me know if this helps you in any way.  Feel free to share with your friends or follow the blog.

I have started a new blog as well.  If you are interested, check out my other page, “Where the Ghosts Live,” which is about all things paranormal, at http://www.WhereTheGhostsLive.wordpress.com.”

weiselcantlin2

God Winked

As I was entering the highway after a brief stop at a rest area, I began to pick up speed so I would be able to keep the pace as I entered traffic.
I was going about 40 when I had to abruptly hit my breaks. I realized there was something blocking the end of the on ramp and if I didn’t slow down quickly I wouldn’t be able to merge properly.
I quickly realized it was a house!  There were 2 trucks parked on the side of the road each hauling half of a house.
I thought for a brief moment how funny this sounds; I almost hit a house on the highway.
I then became extremely grateful to have been paying attention.
No sooner did I feel the gratitude, a car with New Hampshire plates passed me in the middle lane. His license plate read, “GODWINK.”
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10 Quotes That Will Truly Inspire You

I have been writing inspirational status’ on Facebook for several years now.  These status’ are about what I am personally learning at any given time in my life and I word it in a non-specific way so that other people can benefit from what I am learning.  Often times I write them just for me, as a reminder of where I need to focus my attention, as if it is advice to myself.

The fascinating part of doing this, and another reason I have continued for so long is because I received such a great response from my friends who happened to be struggling with something and my quote put into words what they were feeling or exactly what they needed to hear that day.  I became addicted to helping others at a young age and so when I learned this was helping others, it was only natural for me to continue.

I went through some of them and gathered them together to share with you today.  I will not stick with one subject though because, chances are, if I vary the topics, you may have a better chance of finding something that resonates with you.

Please keep in mind, these are my quotes.  I did not take them from the internet or from someone famous.  I wrote these.  I would be flattered if you share them, but if you do, please be sure you put it in quotes and include my name at the end for credit.

  • FEAR:  “Identify one of your fears that is stopping you from doing something you want to do. Evaluate that fear and question whether or not it stems from your past and if it’s even a valid fear in your present. Your fear may be outdated and no longer serving its purpose in which case you need to eliminate it and move on to accomplish what you hope to accomplish.” ~ Missy Bell
  • WORRY:  “Worrying about something you have no control over and hasn’t happened yet is like trying to shovel the driveway before it snows!” ~ Missy Bell
  • FACING LIFE’S CHALLENGES:  “Challenges are placed before us so we may learn more about ourselves and to give us practice in learning how to overcome them in the future.” ~ Missy Bell
  • MAKING A CHANGE:  “It is so much more important to change how you think than to change how you look.”  ~ Missy Bell
  • TRUTH:  “Want to know the truth? You already do. Whatever you believe to be true is your truth but not necessarily everyone else’s.” ~ Missy Bell
  • PERCEPTION:  “We experience disappointment, sorrow and a heavy heart in order to be able to appreciate joy, bliss and enlightenment.  Without having felt the negative emotions, we would not be able to recognize or appreciate their opposites.” ~ Missy Bell
  • SELF-ESTEEM:  “You are awesome and amazing. Don’t ever listen to anyone who tries to contradict that statement, especially yourself!” ~ Missy Bell
  • RAISING CHILDREN:  “Teach your children well for someday you will need them to reteach you what you’ve forgotten.” ~ Missy Bell
  • AFFIRMATION:  “Today is a new day and I choose to be happy in it.  I will see by the light of love, not by the spotlight others are shining upon what they want me to see.  I will focus on what I can control and not stress over what I cannot.  I will dance to the beat of my own drum and make beautiful music in the process.  I will be who I am an only apologize when I am not.  I will not worry about what others think of me as long as I am happy with my own actions.  I will accept others for who they are.  I will live for now but plan for a brighter tomorrow.  I will not settle for by falling into false beliefs that this is as good as it gets.  I will start each day accepting the day before as it was and asking myself how I can improve myself today.
  • SUCCESS:  “Define your success not by the success of others but by your ability to achieve the goals you have set for yourself. If you feel unsuccessful, create new goals.” ~ Missy Bell

I hope some or all of these touch your heart in some way or inspire you.  Please let me know if you have a favorite!!

If you are looking for more inspiration or tips on how to add more inner peace and happiness to your life, choose something else from the categories to the right of this post.  Please share anything that resonates with you. 

weiselcantlin2

They Will Always Know They Are Loved

Time keeps on slipping away from me.  It seems like my children were in elementary school less than two years ago.  Not the case.  This week we celebrated birthday’s for both of my boys who were born 2 years and 5 days apart.  This week they are now 18 and 20!

I can’t believe the time has moved by so quickly.  It’s been a whirlwind since they got their permits.  They are forever with friends, figuring life out, who they are, and who they want to become.  I want that for them, I do, but I miss them being around all the time.  It does make family time more special though.

Don’t get me wrong, these are the days I looked forward to forever as a young parent.  “When will I ever be able to have time to have a thought of my own without the interruption of unnecessary sounds and noises (ah, teen-aged boys, how they love to make sounds like dying seals, just to hear themselves?)  Lately, I find that I hold a full conversation with my youngest while on a car ride before I realize that he has his head phones in.  (DAMN!  What a meaningful conversation spoken on deaf ears.)

I have to hope that I have given them the best of guidance I can give, the best advice, the best word-beating a mother can give, and the knowledge of how to think for themselves in tough situations.  I hope and I pray and I hope some more.  With every month that slips by they seem further away.  A night at a friends turns into days.  Then all the friends migrate here for a night and they are off to another friend’s house.

They have both graduated and will be moving on soon.  I know the tears will flow freely on that day.  There will be tears of joy for them as they venture into the world to give the gift of themselves to it but I will also cry a few tears of sadness because I will miss the interactions and battles of whit.

I remember when they were young teens and texting and Facebook were new to us.  I posted something to my son’s page that said that I loved him.  Someone said,”isn’t he right down the hall?”  He was.  I didn’t neglect that fact nor did I not profess that I loved them to their faces.  This was merely a way of letting the world know.  I have always told my kids how much I love them.

One thing I started a long time ago and try to remember each night, especially with as far away as they already seem, is that I send them, (and my husband) a text every night before I fall asleep telling them they are loved.  As I did this tonight I thought, “this is something that can never change.”  One day they will have families of their own and we will not see each other every day, possibly not for weeks, even months on end but that text will remain and stand as a reminder that they will always be in my heart and in my thoughts and they will always be loved.

Is there something you do daily to let someone know they are special to you?

Thank you for stopping by.  Please look to the sidebar on the right for more tips and posts on how to reduce stress and increase inner peace and happiness.  Please click the like button or share to one of the social media sites below to show you enjoyed this post.  Thanks!  ❤

Yesterday’s post was Part 2 of 2 on the secrets that have kept my marriage together for more than 22 years.  Be sure to check out both parts (on the right side bar under July 2013.)

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22 Years Of Marriage – Our Secrets Revealed – Part 2

Here is what you’ve been waiting for… Part 2 of Our Secrets Revealed.  Are you interested in knowing what has kept my husband and I together for 22 plus years?  The first part was published on Friday and can be found on the right by going to the category section.  I hope you find part 2 equally as helpful.  Please keep in mind that I will not be listing everything here.  I will be including more at a later time.

My husband and I have had our problems, learned from them and have been married for 22 years.  He asked that I go ahead and finish part 2 and after he reads it he has promised too make a comment with what he thinks I missed.  (He has one thing specific in mind and he thinks I won’t include it.  Let’s see if he’s wrong.)

These next 2 paragraphs should be repeated because they are very important…

I think the most important thing to realize is that love is not that “butterfly feeling” you get in the pit of your stomach.  If you believe that, you will never sustain true love.  Love is not a fairytale and (because you don’t want it to end), doesn’t have a “happy ending.”   Butterflies will come and go.  It is in the times when they are not there that the most rewarding part of love is found.  If you can keep this in mind, you are off to a great start.  Those butterflies may last for just a couple of months or maybe even a couple of years.  But as soon as things aren’t going as you planned, they may disappear.  It doesn’t mean you stopped loving the person and it doesn’t mean you can’t get those feelings back.  It just signifies a change in the relationship.

Love is found in your thoughts, not your heart.  It is constant work, as with anything worthwhile and it requires effort.  So, without further delay, on to those tips I promised:

  • Give the other person space and TRUST!  The guys need a guys night or time alone playing video games and girls need time with their friends and by themselves.  Respect that and trust them.  Don’t put ideas in your head about what could happen when they are out with friends, just trust.  Treat it as a great time to explore your hobby or spend time with the kids or your family or even do nothing at all.  Being together all the time is not good for a relationship either.
  • Do not take things personally.  This part took a long time for me to learn.  I had to unlearn a lifetime of personal self talk where I took things personally.  I learned that sometimes, who am I kidding, a lot of times we take things out on the people closest to us in our lives and this is our family.  It doesn’t make it right but we are conditioned in our professional life to hold our tongue and keep things in so when we get home, if we’ve had a bad day, we express it.  When we tell the stories we can tend to give them a lot of emotion and that could come across as yelling or being angry at our partner.  Be careful that if you are guilty of this that you try to curb how you say it and what emotions you give to.  That’s also important for you own health if you are a continual offender.   If you are the recipient. don’t take it personally.  They had a bad day and sometimes just having someone listen is all that is needed to get rid of the stress.  Try to respect that.
  • Never have one person in charge of disciplining the kids.  Again, yours, mine ours, it doesn’t matter, you need to both be the bad guys.  Remember you are the adult, not their friend, although there will be time for friendship.  You goal should be to raise those kids so they can be functional members of society.  That means that they should learn young that their actions have consequences, good and bad.  You must stick with the punishments you dish out and neither of you can be the “softie.”  As I mentioned above, write out that list of punishments to fit the crime and post it on the fridge.  Make sure it is reasonable so you can stick with it.  And never favor one child over the other, even with an age difference.  the punishment should fit the crime.  Being on the same page together will show unity between you and it will also ensure that your children will trust that what you say, you mean.  When you show unity, they will be more apt to gravitate toward having that in their own  relationships when they are old enough.  They learn from us.
  • Stay best friends.  Do not talk behind each others back.  If you have a problem with your spouse, don’t run and tell a friend before you talk it over with your partner.  It will get blown out of proportion and your friend will always side with you.  The friend will often times add fuel to the fire and bring up past times when your partner acted the same way or their own partner did.  Everyone has a story to add as well as an opinion.  It’s not advice you need, its a solution that has to come from the two who are in the relationship.  In the same respect, stay out of other people’s arguments.  Once you hear someone else’s complaints about what is going on with them you are sure to start noticing it in your own relationship.
  • Love and respect each other.  This should go without saying.  Respect their opinions, choices, decisions and ways of doing things.  Every one of us is different and we should not expect others to be just like us.  When you show love and respect, you will get the same in return.
  • Compromise.  Focus on the solution, not the problem.  As mentioned several times in part 1 and 2, you come from different backgrounds, of course you will do things differently and have different solutions.  Listen to each other.  Hear all the other has to say then come to a compromise.  You can either meet in the middle or realize the other person has a better idea.  Other times you will see that when you put both ideas together a third one will develop that was greater that the originals.
  • Know and discuss your coping mechanisms.  I’m the type that can only discuss something for so long in the heat of the moment before I have to leave, gain my composure then come back to talk rationally.  I am aware that if I stay I will make the situation worse and my walking away for a bit is not me giving up or running away, it is gathering my thoughts and composure so I can handle the situation more calmly.  My husband knows that and understands that when I leave, it is not a personal attack on him and I will be back soon.
  • Be intimate.  This is obvious in the first few years of your relationship but as time goes on, we stop spending as much time together.  The kids are always around and take up much of our time and energy or we get caught up in life or work.  Hold hands, flirt, joke, snuggle, and the rest is obvious.  But sometimes just getting back to hugging everyday with a sincere kiss can bring the spark back.
  • Talk about your future, your goals, where you see yourself as a couple in 3 years, 5 years, etc.  This is of course, after the relationship has gone past the dating stages.  This will give you common ground, goals to reach together.  When you invest in that, you focus on seeing the two of you together and that’s where the focus should remain.  Even if it’s a trip together or growing old sitting on a porchsipping lemonade; whatever that dream is, keep dreaming it together.
  • Don’t give up on each other – ever.  Depressions can set in and it can seem sometimes that the other person is being neglectful.  That may not actually be the case.  They may be holding something in that they need to find an outlet for.  Pay attention.  If you notice the other person becoming distant, schedule an event or outing that you both like to do, alone and talk.  Connect.  But never think it’s because they no longer care.  In doing that, you set the relationship up for failure.  Never give up on them.

So, as I mentioned, there are many more.  I wil write more on this. For now, I hope I have helped some of you or that you will pass part 1 or 2 on to others.

Please comment below and let us know which one is your favorite and why.  Remember, I have more to follow but you may also leave one of your suggestions that has helped you with your marriage.

(Please check to the right to read the first part of this by checking the post listings or categories and also look for other tips and techniques that will reduce your stress and give you greater inner peace and happiness.  Thank you as always, for stopping by and THANK YOU FOR SHARING!)  ❤