Family

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That’s Inspiring

I have asked this question before through Facebook and seem to get the same answers from a high number of people. They say that their children inspire them.  A friend of mine posed the same question to her friends and received a slightly different set of comments but it brought me back to the answer I received on mine.

I think it’s fantastic that your children inspire you.  Our children keep us young at heart and motivated to stay good people, amongst other things.  But it is important to think about what else inspires you.  What happens when your children are grown and have lives of their own?  You will need to be sure that you have many sources of inspiration to keep you going.  You should be sure that you are close to the top of that list.

When you draw from several sources, your options are wide open.  After giving it thought I came up with my own short list.  It is incomplete at the moment because I know I need to give it further thought.

InspirationI am inspired by challenges in my life that force me to look inside for strength.  I seem to thrive on the personal challenges that I take on, the challenges where I force myself to step outside the box and say, “I’m not really sure that I can do this,” then I do it. I’ve learned to stop looking for outside motivation as often, I turn within.  I find ways to pull my own energy into higher thought and search my spirituality for inspiration and encouragement.  When I need it externally, I read different authors such as, Napoleon Hill, Bob Proctor, Don Miguel Ruiz, Anthony, etc.  I talk with my family, they know me well enough to give me strength in just the right areas when I need it.  I am inspired by dreams of my future, friends, reminding myself of what I’m grateful for, other people’s accomplishments, music, love, hope and happiness. 

I can’t stress enough how important it is to have more than one source of inspiration and to know what know what they are.  It will help you get out of situations when you find you’re having a bad day.  Make your list, include as much as possible.  You can write it or create a collage.  Keep your list with you.  Draw from it on your down days or when you need a pick-me up.  Reading or looking at it will trigger happier thoughts to help you move forward.

If you can create your own inspiration, you have truly won.  Be sure to find ways to be your own hero and inspiration.  There is nothing truly like it.

Thank you for stopping by.  Please check out the list of other inspirational posts in the side bar.

Missy Bell

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They Will Always Know They Are Loved

Time keeps on slipping away from me.  It seems like my children were in elementary school less than two years ago.  Not the case.  This week we celebrated birthday’s for both of my boys who were born 2 years and 5 days apart.  This week they are now 18 and 20!

I can’t believe the time has moved by so quickly.  It’s been a whirlwind since they got their permits.  They are forever with friends, figuring life out, who they are, and who they want to become.  I want that for them, I do, but I miss them being around all the time.  It does make family time more special though.

Don’t get me wrong, these are the days I looked forward to forever as a young parent.  “When will I ever be able to have time to have a thought of my own without the interruption of unnecessary sounds and noises (ah, teen-aged boys, how they love to make sounds like dying seals, just to hear themselves?)  Lately, I find that I hold a full conversation with my youngest while on a car ride before I realize that he has his head phones in.  (DAMN!  What a meaningful conversation spoken on deaf ears.)

I have to hope that I have given them the best of guidance I can give, the best advice, the best word-beating a mother can give, and the knowledge of how to think for themselves in tough situations.  I hope and I pray and I hope some more.  With every month that slips by they seem further away.  A night at a friends turns into days.  Then all the friends migrate here for a night and they are off to another friend’s house.

They have both graduated and will be moving on soon.  I know the tears will flow freely on that day.  There will be tears of joy for them as they venture into the world to give the gift of themselves to it but I will also cry a few tears of sadness because I will miss the interactions and battles of whit.

I remember when they were young teens and texting and Facebook were new to us.  I posted something to my son’s page that said that I loved him.  Someone said,”isn’t he right down the hall?”  He was.  I didn’t neglect that fact nor did I not profess that I loved them to their faces.  This was merely a way of letting the world know.  I have always told my kids how much I love them.

One thing I started a long time ago and try to remember each night, especially with as far away as they already seem, is that I send them, (and my husband) a text every night before I fall asleep telling them they are loved.  As I did this tonight I thought, “this is something that can never change.”  One day they will have families of their own and we will not see each other every day, possibly not for weeks, even months on end but that text will remain and stand as a reminder that they will always be in my heart and in my thoughts and they will always be loved.

Is there something you do daily to let someone know they are special to you?

Thank you for stopping by.  Please look to the sidebar on the right for more tips and posts on how to reduce stress and increase inner peace and happiness.  Please click the like button or share to one of the social media sites below to show you enjoyed this post.  Thanks!  ❤

Yesterday’s post was Part 2 of 2 on the secrets that have kept my marriage together for more than 22 years.  Be sure to check out both parts (on the right side bar under July 2013.)

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Introducing Yogi

Our dog, Baby, a beautiful little white Bichon passed away about a year ago last October, leaving a huge void in our lives.  We had him for more than 10 years and he was a very important part of our family.  We didn’t think we could ever replace him.

After a year we figured enough time had gone by and everyone was ready to get a puppy.  We searched for quite some time.  One day, a girl at work sent an e-mail stating that her mother’s dogs had just had 10 puppies who would be ready to go in a month or so.  We were thrilled.  They were adorable.

I looked at those pictures every day in hopes that the one I liked the best would be available.  We called several times close to their release date but got no response.  Come to find out, the puppies were all given away to other people even though one was promised to us.  The boys were heartbroken.

As time went on, my husband found an 8 month old dog on Craigslist on the other side of the state who was being given away to a good home.  He was a German Shepherd.  We rushed out there the night he spoke with the woman to ensure he hadn’t been given away.

He was very skinny and lived in the house with two other big dogs.  The woman who owned him said she was getting ready to have knee surgery and would not be able to take care of him.  We’re still not sure if we believe that was the deciding factor for them to want him gone.  We looked into those sweet eyes as he brought us “his” rock that he adopted from the yard and carried with him frequently.  He tugged at our hearts so we decided right then that we were going to take him home.  Of course, he insisted the rock was coming too.

He has been with us for almost 9 months now and he is such a great dog.  We had issues when he was a puppy with separation anxiety and chewing but he is past that now.

Yogi 5

He takes his job as a shepherd very seriously.  He is very protective of the family and our close friends.  He likes to sit on the back deck and guard the neighbor kids when they are out in their yard.  He only barks when there are people he doesn’t know in the areas he can see or if someone enters the house who he is not familiar with.

He is very smart!  He learns new tricks quickly and is very willing to please, even if a treat is not involved.  He knows a great number of commands such as; “sit,” “down,” “pound it” and “high five,” “upstairs,” “belly” and a several others.  He knows everyone by name and proves it if you tell him to go see that person.  He even knows the boys’ friend’s names.  He’s becoming quite the performer.  In his newest trick, he plays dead after being shot by our fingers.

Yogi 3

I really believe he has a sense of humor.  We noticed he had dug a hole in the back yard and just had to take a picture of it.  Next to the hole?  He had left a shovel!

He has fit in perfectly with the family.  Having him around has added to our lives.  He has provided great companionship, kept us on our toes and even helped reduce our stress.  I just wanted to post something light tonight and introduce you to our other member of the family.  Although he will never truly take the place of Baby, he has found his own spot in our hearts that is just as big.  We love you, Yogi!

 

Do you have a dog/s in your life?  If so, what breed?  Or if you would like a dog, what size or breed are your favorites?

 

Thank you for stopping by.  If you are interested in posts that will inspire you, give you tips and helpful ideas that will lead you to greater inner peace and happiness, check out the list to the right or the categories section.  Feel free to follow this blog and share it with others.  I appreciate you!

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When Helping Isn’t Really Helping

There comes a point in time when helping someone really isn’t helping them.   You could actually be doing someone a disservice by helping.  How do you know when to recognize this?

We spend many years teaching our children the skills they need to succeed on their own once they are in the real world.  When they have difficulties some parents make excuses and do things for their children.   Most kids choose to learn from the situation but will still expect the parent to get them out of tough spots because things have always been made easy for them.

This leads to an entitlement issue.  They think that the parent owes them.  They will in turn, lash out when the parent steps back and decides they have given them the skills they need to succeed because they don’t want to actually take the action themselves.  It’s easier for them not to.  They have learned how to manipulate situations and parents (and others) to get what they want.  When things are no longer easy and the effort needs to come from within, they resist and fight back.

It isn’t just teenagers who act like this.  I’m sure we can all name a relative or friend or associate who is guilty of acting like this.

Sometimes not helping is the best thing you can do for a person.  It will hurt to watch them suffer for a bit but hopefully the suffering will cause them to act on their own and to own up to and take care of their own responsibilities.

Yes, it is a very kind thing to help others but if they are not truly benefiting from your help, it’s time to stop.

You should also be cautious of helping others just because you will benefit from the situation.  That is not actually doing things out of the kindness of your heart and is not helping either of you in the long run.

Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself  to see if your help is actually what the person really needs:

  • Do they really need help?  Some people only ask for help because they are being lazy.  They can swim but want a life preserver thrown their way so they don’t have to work as hard.
  • Is that person trying to help themselves?  If not, your help is not benefiting the person.  They need to learn to do things for themselves to survive on their own.
  • Is that person grateful for your help?  If they are not, there should be no question.  You should not be helping them.  That’s not fair to you.
  • Are you helping them because you want to help them or because you have to help them?  If you want to help and the above questions are not a no, then by all means, help.  If you feel like it is an obligation, you may want to think twice.
  • Is the reason they need your help due to a situation they have gotten themselves into that was unnecessary?  Perhaps in this type of situation, they should be learning from natural consequences and help should not be given.  If you choose to help, you will be doing both you and them a disservice and bringing unnecessary negativity into your own life.
  • If you did not help them, would they be able to do this for themselves?  If they are unable and their desire is strong to do for themselves and they would be grateful for your assistance, then help in the areas where you can.

Helping is never a requirement.  It is a kind gesture.  You have the right to choose in any situation.  When you feel like your right to choose to help has been taken away, that is not a healthy situation.  You have to decide what is best for you.

You may need to evaluate those you have been helping, why you have been helping them and whether they are actually benefiting from your help or if they would benefit more by learning how to do things for themselves.

I think it’s also important to mention that when you help someone who needs it, be sure you keep a clear line of communication of where the help is actually needed and how the person needs it done.  If you are not doing something correctly, the lines of communication need to be open enough to be able to hear where changes need to be made without feeling the person is being ungrateful.

I have noticed in my own life that I need to step back and let some people help themselves, that it is the only way they will learn what they need to from the situation.  It is not my responsibility to constantly bail people out or think of a solution for them.  In doing so, I have been hindering them from self discovery and the feeling of accomplishment they would receive by doing it themselves.

Tell me, have you run into situations where you realized that you weren’t actually doing anyone any favors by offering your assistance?  What was the outcome?