What Do You Mean, You Don’t Like Me?

It should never be our goal in life to please everyone nor should we ever expect everyone to like us.

There will always be people who do not agree with our views or what we say, do or act around them, just as we too come across people we don’t like.  Everyone acts differently around different people.   Some people bring out the best in us and we can relate to them easily.  Some have an easy-going personality and aura, others do not.  Some people will make us uncomfortable or may offend us (sometimes unintentionally and sometimes intentionally.)  There are others who engage in lifestyles that we just don’t agree with and that may cause us to feel uneasy.  For whatever reason, we were not all meant to get along.

It is usually the people we don’t get along with who don’t like us.  There are others who will not like you and you have no idea why because you enjoy them.  If the friendship, or even business relationship is important to you, it never hurts to ask if there is a reason for (their actions that make you think they don’t like you or words that they say that are indicators.)  It’s then on them to be honest or glaze over the subject.  The way they are acting may just be a part of their personality and you were just taking it personal or they may reveal a true issue, in which case, you have a starting point to work with.  This should only be done with people you truly care about or enjoy being around.

For those who are just acquaintances who you don’t particularly plan on having in your life, it’s not important that they like you, at least, it shouldn’t be.  There’s no need to waste your energy worrying about it.  I’ve watched and heard people, and even been guilty of, wasting hours of time that could have been spent being productive, happy and positive instead, being disappointed and racking my brain trying to figure what I may have done wrong for them to dislike.  Let it go.  As long as you are being your authentic self, it doesn’t matter.  You shouldn’t try to change who you are just to please someone else.

One of my favorite says is from Eleanor Roosevelt, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”  Let them think what they want.  You, go on living as you normally would.  One thing I like to point out often is that we are with ourselves 24/7.  We are the only ones who are.  The most important person we should care about liking us, is ourselves.

If you are interested in more tips on how to decrease your stress and increase your happiness, please see the sidebar for categories or titles that may be of interest to you and feel free to follow this and share it with others.  You can also visit my newest blog site, “Where the Ghosts Live – The Haunted United States,” for all things paranormal.  Check that one out at http://www.WhereTheGhostsLive.WordPress.com.  Thank you for stopping by.  Please leave a comment to show your support.  ❤

Missy Bell

United, Through the Sorrow, the Tears, the Humanity, the Trauma, the Healing – A September 11 Tribute

91101The clock radio turned on to signal me that it was time to get up to get ready for work, like every other day before.  But this day, would be like no other.  It was the day the world stood still.

There was no music playing.  There were several DJ voices on the radio sounding confused, hyper and stressed.  It was unlike anything I had ever heard before.  I remember my confusion as I stumbled out of bed to turn the television on.  My brain had not fully awakened yet and I could not understand what all the fuss was about.  I knew something major had happened but the magnitude and extent was unclear.

I had slept in that day.  I believe my husband must have put my 6 and 8 year old boys on the bus or taken them to their catholic school.  We watched together in disbelief as we tried, like the rest of the country to make sense of what had happened and what was currently transpiring.  The second plane flew into the tower and then, it was no longer, “a freak accident.”  We knew.  We were under attack.

The towers fell as I was on the phone with my best friend.  I didn’t want to go to work.  I wanted to pick my babies up from school and hide in my house indefinitely.  I wanted them safe.  If there were people in this world capable of doing this, how far would their plan be carried out?  What else was in store?  Would it, could it extend to their school?

I’m not sure where my head was but I went to work.  I was a waitress and money had to be made.  I grieved each event with each customer and no one was in any particular hurry.

An older woman came in and was seated in my section.  I will never forget how she just sat lifeless in the booth, staring into space.  Most of the people who had come in before her were very talkative and wanted nothing more than to work out these events verbally with others to try to grasp what was going on.  Not this woman.  I had to engage her in conversation.  I asked how she was as I placed my hand on her shoulder.  “I just came from Logan.  I put my sister on flight 93.”  We hugged and cried together.  I remember the silence of everyone around and how it felt like an eternity.  There’s always that first story you hear from another person who was directly affected, that brings in into reality.  This was mine.

With each customer who came in there was a new update.  Flights were grounded until further notice.  What?  My Mother-In-Law was a stewardess flying overseas!  Where was she?  Was she safe?  Was anyone I knew in those towers, on those planes?  I knew in my heart there was.  I don’t remember staying at work the entire shift.  We may have closed.  I’m not sure.  Anything besides the news and how my family was reacting and dealing became a blur.

Over the next several days we touched base with as many people as we could to be sure everyone was safe.  Tragedy had not hit our immediate family but it felt as if it had.  The entire country was in mourning.  Flags were flown from almost every vehicle within days.  Flags sold out of every store.  The pride of our country was shown and everyone seemed so much more in touch with each other, kinder, gentler.  We all had a common thread.  We had all witnessed the same tragedy and knew on a deep level what we were all feeling.  Strangers banded together.

The children had been told at school what had happened and I felt for the teachers who had to learn the news then face the children in a way as to not panic them.  I recall the need to have the news on but to have to shelter the children from the images and turn the TV off when they were around, all the while, feeling as if something may happen closer to home than it had and feeling out of touch when it was off.

I had a spare portable black and white TV and over the next few days it sat on the back counter in the restaurant and between tables we all gathered around it to hear the latest.  I was working when President Bush declared war.

I remember sitting in my car, I have no idea how much longer after the events, listening to every name of every person who perished and those who were missing being read over the radio and holding my breath between each one, praying it was not someone I knew.  How badly I wanted to be at ground zero to help in any way possible.

Weeks went by and the images were played over and over on TV and timelines and pictures printed again and again in the paper.  There was no Facebook, no social media, not on the common level.  Yet, we were all connected; even Bostonians and New Yorkers were brothers and sisters.

I recall a comment being made on the radio that we are Americans and we all have A.D.D.  They said we would soon forget and it would be put behind us; life would go on and even return to what it was.  I didn’t want to believe that.  I wanted to believe we would all be a kinder, gentler nation of people, banded together much more closely than before; all of us looking out for each other; having each others backs.

One by one, the flags we flew on our cars became ripped and torn.  We replaced them with flag stickers and said we would never forget.  Anniversaries of September 11 came and went.  It has now been 12 years since the tragedies.  I don’t want to remember the events of that day.  I don’t want to ever feel that vulnerable again, as a person or as a nation.   We still ask, “How could that have ever happened, HERE?”

Today, I have shed my tears in remembrance of the stories of survivors, of so many who were lost that day.

I. Will NEVER. Forget.  I will never forget the events, the still pictures and videos that are imbedded in my mind from repetition of play.  I will never forget how the words, “United We Stand,” took on a much deeper meaning.  I will never forget the way our country banded together and how we all felt united, through the sorrow, the tears, the humanity, the trauma, the healing.

I. Will NEVER. Forget.

Are You Acting Genuinely Or Over Reacting

I caught myself the other day.  I found myself in a situation where most people would have gotten extremely angry, raised their voice and demanded action in their favor.  

There was no getting around it, the situation needed to be addressed and resolved but it was just a matter of how to get the desired resolution.

At the time, I really didn’t give much thought to how to resolve it, just that it needed to be resolved.  After waiting 40 minutes on multiple occasions to speak with a supervisor over a two day period, I finally got a hold of someone.

After mindful and careful choice of words with several different people, keeping my calm for 40 minutes, I decided that after all of this over two days was not getting the desired results.  I laid into the supervisor on the other end of the line when he finally picked up.  He talked over me and was rude in response, which infuriated me even further and I continued with my rant.

When all was said and done, he said he would put in a request to have another supervisor call me back.  This was over a week ago.  The call never came.  I’m not sure why I was surprised by that.

I realized afterwards that I acted how I thought I was expected to act in a situation such as this.  This company had made an error and withdrew funds from my account twice because the operator who took my payment was simply careless and not listening.  I wanted that money returned immediately.

In the long run, my display of anger was unnecessary.  They were not able to return the funds for 48 hours and there was no way around it.  If I had kept my calm as I had in the beginning I would not have let myself carry the anger after the call had ended.  Instead, because I gave into it, the anger persisted for several hours.  I had robbed myself of a pleasant night because I was so worked up.

Have you ever caught yourself in this type of situation?  I’m not sure there are many people out there who haven’t.  I have found that when I handle these types of situations in a calm manor that I am proud of my decision later, often get further and gain respect from those I am dealing with and obtain better results, walking away with a more positive attitude for the reset of the day.

I have been in the field of customer service for many years and I know that most people react this way when they are angry.  I have been trained how to handle these calls and taken more than my fair share.  But I was not proud, in retrospect that I had resorted to this.

Are you proud of the decisions you make when it comes to situations like this?  It’s okay to change how you handle them.  The choice is yours.  Don’t let it get the worst of you.  Your emotions stay with you longer than you realize.  I had acted how I thought the other person would have expected me to instead of how I know I should have. 

My Lost Tooth – Part 1

lost-tooth (1)

I wrote this book when my son was 5 after he lost his first tooth.  I have wanted for that long to publish it but I have not been diligent with it.  I will hopefully find a way to get it self-published with software that I can use to illustrate it on my own.
I thought I’d share half of it with you to see what you think.  I hope you enjoy it…
My name is Austin.  I have a story for you.
Pay close attention, it could happen to you too.
My tooth got a little wiggly and I got scared.
Mom said, “It’s coming out soon, be prepared!”

“Keep brushing your teeth,
clean them well,” she said.
“Brush them in the morning
and before you go to bed.”
With each day that went by I could wiggle it more.
It started to hurt.  I couldn’t wait anymore.
I pushed it with my tongue all through the day.
I used my fingers to wiggle it to help it on it’s way.
I was playing at recess
when I felt something in my mouth.
My tooth, my tooth!
It had finally come out.
These are just the first 4 verses with 4 more remaining to complete it.
Feel free to comment below.  I’d appreciate any feedback.
Thank you as always for stopping by.  I hope you will stay a while and enjoy more postings to the right that offer tips on how to reduce stress and increase inner peace and happiness.

God Winked

As I was entering the highway after a brief stop at a rest area, I began to pick up speed so I would be able to keep the pace as I entered traffic.
I was going about 40 when I had to abruptly hit my breaks. I realized there was something blocking the end of the on ramp and if I didn’t slow down quickly I wouldn’t be able to merge properly.
I quickly realized it was a house!  There were 2 trucks parked on the side of the road each hauling half of a house.
I thought for a brief moment how funny this sounds; I almost hit a house on the highway.
I then became extremely grateful to have been paying attention.
No sooner did I feel the gratitude, a car with New Hampshire plates passed me in the middle lane. His license plate read, “GODWINK.”

A MUST READ If You Ever Want To Swim With The Dolphins

This is one of my bucket list items and I can guarantee I’m not alone.  I know my husband and children are very interested as well.  I have touched a dolphin before at the New England Aquarium in Boston and I think we did at Sea World but that was so very long ago and for such a brief time that it only made me want to experience more.

I decided to find out some information on what was available and what the current rates would be.  This is one thing that, even after crossing off my first swim with them, I cannot be sure it will remove it from the list completely because I’m sure I’ll want to do it again.

After doing some research I found something amazing.  There are excursions that actually last longer a week, not just 30 minutes or an hour!  Before this research I had no idea.  I thought I would share those with you.  I’m sure if you are interested in just doing a half hour or so and you have a specific location in mind, you can easily find the one that’s right for you.  The prices on those range between $169-$400.  I included a couple of those at the bottom.

Dolphins are majestic and have been said to have amazing healing powers physically and for the soul.  I can’t wait to find out first hand.

5-7 DAY EXCURSIONS

layout-image_r2_c2Dolphin Expeditions in the BahamasWebsite: http://www.dolphinexpeditions.com/

I have never heard of this, but there is a place called Bimini in the Bahamas where you can spend a week on their boat and at a private island resort.  You will have a full week to experience the dolphins in their natural habitat and swim with them.  They have an all-inclusive, all you can eat buffet, free snorkel gear and suits.  Prices are around $1457.00.00 per person-US dollars,  for one week, almost all inclusive.  On their website they state that they will also match other Bahamian Wild Dolphin Swim Organizations discounted prices of equal value to help make your special dolphin week a reality.  This is for an entire week.  Here’s what they state about their price and what it includes:
Here is what is included:  All boat government taxes including the Bahamian 45.00 eco tax. accommodations for the week, yoga in the morning-if you wish, all meals and snacks prepared on the boat-including departure and return dates, fuel charges, non-alcoholic beverages, all snorkeling gear…This is not the normal rental gear, it is the absolute best and most comfortable gear that is available…and it’s free!  And they have brand new monofins of most sizes so that our guests can give them a try and swim like a dolphin.

Not included: All travel expenses to the island and off, gratuities and one night dinner out to check out the local cuisine.

On Indigo they also have new custom paddle boards that can also be paddled as kayaks for one or two persons. It’s one of my new favorite things to do.  They were the first to paddle to the Sapona and play around inside…everything underwater loves coming to play with the boards.. turtles, rays and assorted fish of all kinds. Underwater world up close and personal.

They also show pictures of a shipwreck and talk about visiting several private deserted islands!  This sounds amazing!  But it is not in everyone’s budget.  I think it is comparable to the price of a cruise though and if you are looking for a longer excursion, this just might do the trick!  Reserve well in advance because they only take 12 people per boat per week.

media_slideshows_2012_Dolphins & People_dolphins+people (1)Wild Quest: website: http://www.wildquest.com  (I think this one is my favorite!)

They are also located on the island of Bimini in the Bahamas and have a week excursion.  They tout this as a “holistic, meditative retreat.”  They offer this experience from April to November.  They spend the night on land and head out daily around 11:30 in the morning to start their day.  They are a 20 minute flight from Ft. Lauderdale.  They also have morning yoga, breakfast buffet, packed lunches, evening bon fires and swimming at the beach in the pristine water.  There is a photographer on hand who records the experiences of the week and has a DVD available for you to take home at the end of the week.

I should mention a few things this includes: Sunday night hotel accommodations in Ft. Lauderdale, shuttle transfer to the airport on Monday, airport transfer on Saturday morning, 5 nights accommodations on the island in a shared double room, all meals except one dinner out to sample the local cuisine, 5 days out on the catamaran (weather permitting,) all group activities and complimentary use of their kayaks.

The flight from Ft. Lauderdale, FL to Bimini is not included and costs approximately $295 per person.  Airport taxes and gratuities are not included as well.  You must pay to rent the snorkel equipment through this excursion.

When I went to check the pricing, I noticed something unique.  They offer different entertainment each week so you should book well in advance.  The one I would like is with a Psychic/Medium/Teacher.  Yes, please!  $1,895 per person.  OF course, this would be the most expensive.  Prices range between $1,595 to $1,895 per person for the week.

konasurfnSwim With Dolphins:  Website: http://www.swimwithdolphins.com

This unique experience is centered mostly around couples and their commitment to each other and is located in Kona, Hawaii.  This 5 day excursion includes classes on the dolphins, snorkel practice, beach time, free meals except Friday night, hotel, hula fun, a Polynesian show, and several seminars on relationships to include; Secrets to Sensual Intimacy, Learning Massage for Blissful Relaxation, Enriching Your Relationship and a Reaffirmation Ceremony in the local chapel.  The price is $1,459 per person booked as a couple more than 45 days in advance.

 

DAY EXCURSIONS

thumb_DolphinSwim2Discovery Cove: Website is: http://www.discoverycove.com

Their day packages include access to all their signature experiences and you can include the dolphin experience with it.  Their packages also include 14 days admission to Sea World Orlando, Aquatica, Seaworld’s Water Park, and for an extra $22 you can include Busch Gardens.

You can choose three options here.  You can go with the Trainer for a Day option, upgrade this to the Ultimate Trainer for a Day, or the 30 minute dolphin interaction.

The Trainer for a Day includes the 30 minute interaction plus an enhanced deep-water interaction with dolphins including a private photo session with two dolphins, dynamic behaviors such as the “double-foot push,” in which the guest is pushed through the water by two dolphins, feeding tropical fish in the The Grand Reef, special meet-and-greets with tropical birds and small mammals, behind-the-scenes tour of all Discovery Cove support areas,  shadowing a trainer for the day and includes all other Discovery Cove amenities.  This option costs between $229-$399 per person, depending on the date you choose.

You can upgrade this to the Ultimate package with is everything above plus a private individual photo session with 2 of the dolphins and a gift bag for approximately $20-30 more per person.

There is one package that includes a 30 minute dolphin interaction, snorkeling in The Grand Reef, encounters with playful otters and curious marmosets in Freshwater Oasis™, hand feeding exotic birds in a free flight aviary, relaxing on pristine beaches, freshly prepared breakfast and lunch and unlimited snacks, drinks and alcoholic beverages, float along their river, Lockers, sunscreen, snorkel gear, changing facilities, and free parking.  This package runs between $169-$199 per person, also depending on when you book.

This is not your average theme park.  Check out their video on the website for a better view of what it looks like and what you can expect.  This is by reservation only.  They can only accommodate 1,300 people per day.

Dolphin Discover:  Website is http://www.dolphindiscover.com

There are several places and types of experiences listed with this website, too many to list.  I suggest that you check it out in case you plan on visiting any of the following locations; Cancun-Isla Mujeres, Costa Maya, Cozumel, Cancun, Puerto Aventuras, Riviera Maya, Punta Maroma, Los Cabos, Mexico City’s Six Flags, Vallarta, St. MArtin, Grand Cayman or St. Thomas.

Also keep in mind, when you book a cruise, most warm water locations offer a dolphin experience as an add on while docked at one of the ports.  Be sure to look for them.

I appreciate you taking the time to read about this adventure with me.  I have officially started a bucket list with this as one of my top 5.  What’s on your list?

For posts that will move you toward greater inner peace and happiness, check out the posts to the right and search the categories.  There is something for everyone.  Thank you for stopping by and that you for sharing and liking the ones that you like and be sure to sign up to receive updates.

10 Quotes That Will Truly Inspire You

I have been writing inspirational status’ on Facebook for several years now.  These status’ are about what I am personally learning at any given time in my life and I word it in a non-specific way so that other people can benefit from what I am learning.  Often times I write them just for me, as a reminder of where I need to focus my attention, as if it is advice to myself.

The fascinating part of doing this, and another reason I have continued for so long is because I received such a great response from my friends who happened to be struggling with something and my quote put into words what they were feeling or exactly what they needed to hear that day.  I became addicted to helping others at a young age and so when I learned this was helping others, it was only natural for me to continue.

I went through some of them and gathered them together to share with you today.  I will not stick with one subject though because, chances are, if I vary the topics, you may have a better chance of finding something that resonates with you.

Please keep in mind, these are my quotes.  I did not take them from the internet or from someone famous.  I wrote these.  I would be flattered if you share them, but if you do, please be sure you put it in quotes and include my name at the end for credit.

  • FEAR:  “Identify one of your fears that is stopping you from doing something you want to do. Evaluate that fear and question whether or not it stems from your past and if it’s even a valid fear in your present. Your fear may be outdated and no longer serving its purpose in which case you need to eliminate it and move on to accomplish what you hope to accomplish.” ~ Missy Bell
  • WORRY:  “Worrying about something you have no control over and hasn’t happened yet is like trying to shovel the driveway before it snows!” ~ Missy Bell
  • FACING LIFE’S CHALLENGES:  “Challenges are placed before us so we may learn more about ourselves and to give us practice in learning how to overcome them in the future.” ~ Missy Bell
  • MAKING A CHANGE:  “It is so much more important to change how you think than to change how you look.”  ~ Missy Bell
  • TRUTH:  “Want to know the truth? You already do. Whatever you believe to be true is your truth but not necessarily everyone else’s.” ~ Missy Bell
  • PERCEPTION:  “We experience disappointment, sorrow and a heavy heart in order to be able to appreciate joy, bliss and enlightenment.  Without having felt the negative emotions, we would not be able to recognize or appreciate their opposites.” ~ Missy Bell
  • SELF-ESTEEM:  “You are awesome and amazing. Don’t ever listen to anyone who tries to contradict that statement, especially yourself!” ~ Missy Bell
  • RAISING CHILDREN:  “Teach your children well for someday you will need them to reteach you what you’ve forgotten.” ~ Missy Bell
  • AFFIRMATION:  “Today is a new day and I choose to be happy in it.  I will see by the light of love, not by the spotlight others are shining upon what they want me to see.  I will focus on what I can control and not stress over what I cannot.  I will dance to the beat of my own drum and make beautiful music in the process.  I will be who I am an only apologize when I am not.  I will not worry about what others think of me as long as I am happy with my own actions.  I will accept others for who they are.  I will live for now but plan for a brighter tomorrow.  I will not settle for by falling into false beliefs that this is as good as it gets.  I will start each day accepting the day before as it was and asking myself how I can improve myself today.
  • SUCCESS:  “Define your success not by the success of others but by your ability to achieve the goals you have set for yourself. If you feel unsuccessful, create new goals.” ~ Missy Bell

I hope some or all of these touch your heart in some way or inspire you.  Please let me know if you have a favorite!!

If you are looking for more inspiration or tips on how to add more inner peace and happiness to your life, choose something else from the categories to the right of this post.  Please share anything that resonates with you. 

They Will Always Know They Are Loved

Time keeps on slipping away from me.  It seems like my children were in elementary school less than two years ago.  Not the case.  This week we celebrated birthday’s for both of my boys who were born 2 years and 5 days apart.  This week they are now 18 and 20!

I can’t believe the time has moved by so quickly.  It’s been a whirlwind since they got their permits.  They are forever with friends, figuring life out, who they are, and who they want to become.  I want that for them, I do, but I miss them being around all the time.  It does make family time more special though.

Don’t get me wrong, these are the days I looked forward to forever as a young parent.  “When will I ever be able to have time to have a thought of my own without the interruption of unnecessary sounds and noises (ah, teen-aged boys, how they love to make sounds like dying seals, just to hear themselves?)  Lately, I find that I hold a full conversation with my youngest while on a car ride before I realize that he has his head phones in.  (DAMN!  What a meaningful conversation spoken on deaf ears.)

I have to hope that I have given them the best of guidance I can give, the best advice, the best word-beating a mother can give, and the knowledge of how to think for themselves in tough situations.  I hope and I pray and I hope some more.  With every month that slips by they seem further away.  A night at a friends turns into days.  Then all the friends migrate here for a night and they are off to another friend’s house.

They have both graduated and will be moving on soon.  I know the tears will flow freely on that day.  There will be tears of joy for them as they venture into the world to give the gift of themselves to it but I will also cry a few tears of sadness because I will miss the interactions and battles of whit.

I remember when they were young teens and texting and Facebook were new to us.  I posted something to my son’s page that said that I loved him.  Someone said,”isn’t he right down the hall?”  He was.  I didn’t neglect that fact nor did I not profess that I loved them to their faces.  This was merely a way of letting the world know.  I have always told my kids how much I love them.

One thing I started a long time ago and try to remember each night, especially with as far away as they already seem, is that I send them, (and my husband) a text every night before I fall asleep telling them they are loved.  As I did this tonight I thought, “this is something that can never change.”  One day they will have families of their own and we will not see each other every day, possibly not for weeks, even months on end but that text will remain and stand as a reminder that they will always be in my heart and in my thoughts and they will always be loved.

Is there something you do daily to let someone know they are special to you?

Thank you for stopping by.  Please look to the sidebar on the right for more tips and posts on how to reduce stress and increase inner peace and happiness.  Please click the like button or share to one of the social media sites below to show you enjoyed this post.  Thanks!  ❤

Yesterday’s post was Part 2 of 2 on the secrets that have kept my marriage together for more than 22 years.  Be sure to check out both parts (on the right side bar under July 2013.)

22 Years Of Marriage – Our Secrets Revealed – Part 2

Here is what you’ve been waiting for… Part 2 of Our Secrets Revealed.  Are you interested in knowing what has kept my husband and I together for 22 plus years?  The first part was published on Friday and can be found on the right by going to the category section.  I hope you find part 2 equally as helpful.  Please keep in mind that I will not be listing everything here.  I will be including more at a later time.

My husband and I have had our problems, learned from them and have been married for 22 years.  He asked that I go ahead and finish part 2 and after he reads it he has promised too make a comment with what he thinks I missed.  (He has one thing specific in mind and he thinks I won’t include it.  Let’s see if he’s wrong.)

These next 2 paragraphs should be repeated because they are very important…

I think the most important thing to realize is that love is not that “butterfly feeling” you get in the pit of your stomach.  If you believe that, you will never sustain true love.  Love is not a fairytale and (because you don’t want it to end), doesn’t have a “happy ending.”   Butterflies will come and go.  It is in the times when they are not there that the most rewarding part of love is found.  If you can keep this in mind, you are off to a great start.  Those butterflies may last for just a couple of months or maybe even a couple of years.  But as soon as things aren’t going as you planned, they may disappear.  It doesn’t mean you stopped loving the person and it doesn’t mean you can’t get those feelings back.  It just signifies a change in the relationship.

Love is found in your thoughts, not your heart.  It is constant work, as with anything worthwhile and it requires effort.  So, without further delay, on to those tips I promised:

  • Give the other person space and TRUST!  The guys need a guys night or time alone playing video games and girls need time with their friends and by themselves.  Respect that and trust them.  Don’t put ideas in your head about what could happen when they are out with friends, just trust.  Treat it as a great time to explore your hobby or spend time with the kids or your family or even do nothing at all.  Being together all the time is not good for a relationship either.
  • Do not take things personally.  This part took a long time for me to learn.  I had to unlearn a lifetime of personal self talk where I took things personally.  I learned that sometimes, who am I kidding, a lot of times we take things out on the people closest to us in our lives and this is our family.  It doesn’t make it right but we are conditioned in our professional life to hold our tongue and keep things in so when we get home, if we’ve had a bad day, we express it.  When we tell the stories we can tend to give them a lot of emotion and that could come across as yelling or being angry at our partner.  Be careful that if you are guilty of this that you try to curb how you say it and what emotions you give to.  That’s also important for you own health if you are a continual offender.   If you are the recipient. don’t take it personally.  They had a bad day and sometimes just having someone listen is all that is needed to get rid of the stress.  Try to respect that.
  • Never have one person in charge of disciplining the kids.  Again, yours, mine ours, it doesn’t matter, you need to both be the bad guys.  Remember you are the adult, not their friend, although there will be time for friendship.  You goal should be to raise those kids so they can be functional members of society.  That means that they should learn young that their actions have consequences, good and bad.  You must stick with the punishments you dish out and neither of you can be the “softie.”  As I mentioned above, write out that list of punishments to fit the crime and post it on the fridge.  Make sure it is reasonable so you can stick with it.  And never favor one child over the other, even with an age difference.  the punishment should fit the crime.  Being on the same page together will show unity between you and it will also ensure that your children will trust that what you say, you mean.  When you show unity, they will be more apt to gravitate toward having that in their own  relationships when they are old enough.  They learn from us.
  • Stay best friends.  Do not talk behind each others back.  If you have a problem with your spouse, don’t run and tell a friend before you talk it over with your partner.  It will get blown out of proportion and your friend will always side with you.  The friend will often times add fuel to the fire and bring up past times when your partner acted the same way or their own partner did.  Everyone has a story to add as well as an opinion.  It’s not advice you need, its a solution that has to come from the two who are in the relationship.  In the same respect, stay out of other people’s arguments.  Once you hear someone else’s complaints about what is going on with them you are sure to start noticing it in your own relationship.
  • Love and respect each other.  This should go without saying.  Respect their opinions, choices, decisions and ways of doing things.  Every one of us is different and we should not expect others to be just like us.  When you show love and respect, you will get the same in return.
  • Compromise.  Focus on the solution, not the problem.  As mentioned several times in part 1 and 2, you come from different backgrounds, of course you will do things differently and have different solutions.  Listen to each other.  Hear all the other has to say then come to a compromise.  You can either meet in the middle or realize the other person has a better idea.  Other times you will see that when you put both ideas together a third one will develop that was greater that the originals.
  • Know and discuss your coping mechanisms.  I’m the type that can only discuss something for so long in the heat of the moment before I have to leave, gain my composure then come back to talk rationally.  I am aware that if I stay I will make the situation worse and my walking away for a bit is not me giving up or running away, it is gathering my thoughts and composure so I can handle the situation more calmly.  My husband knows that and understands that when I leave, it is not a personal attack on him and I will be back soon.
  • Be intimate.  This is obvious in the first few years of your relationship but as time goes on, we stop spending as much time together.  The kids are always around and take up much of our time and energy or we get caught up in life or work.  Hold hands, flirt, joke, snuggle, and the rest is obvious.  But sometimes just getting back to hugging everyday with a sincere kiss can bring the spark back.
  • Talk about your future, your goals, where you see yourself as a couple in 3 years, 5 years, etc.  This is of course, after the relationship has gone past the dating stages.  This will give you common ground, goals to reach together.  When you invest in that, you focus on seeing the two of you together and that’s where the focus should remain.  Even if it’s a trip together or growing old sitting on a porchsipping lemonade; whatever that dream is, keep dreaming it together.
  • Don’t give up on each other – ever.  Depressions can set in and it can seem sometimes that the other person is being neglectful.  That may not actually be the case.  They may be holding something in that they need to find an outlet for.  Pay attention.  If you notice the other person becoming distant, schedule an event or outing that you both like to do, alone and talk.  Connect.  But never think it’s because they no longer care.  In doing that, you set the relationship up for failure.  Never give up on them.

So, as I mentioned, there are many more.  I wil write more on this. For now, I hope I have helped some of you or that you will pass part 1 or 2 on to others.

Please comment below and let us know which one is your favorite and why.  Remember, I have more to follow but you may also leave one of your suggestions that has helped you with your marriage.

(Please check to the right to read the first part of this by checking the post listings or categories and also look for other tips and techniques that will reduce your stress and give you greater inner peace and happiness.  Thank you as always, for stopping by and THANK YOU FOR SHARING!)  ❤

Optical Illusions – What Do You See

What do you see in these pictures?  I’ll let you take a look then at the bottom I’ll tell you what they are.  Look closely though.  They could surprise you!!  Keep in mind that not everything is as it seems.

#1.  What word do you see?

optical-illusion-ambigramANSWER #1. There are 2 words:

Optical & Illusion

IF YOU DON’T SEE IT: Optical is clear, while Illusion is spelled out with the landscape.

#2.  How many people do you see here?  

Head is eye

ANSWER #2. There are 2 people in this one.

IF YOU DON’T SEE IT:  There is a woman in the center of the photo looking at something she is holding in her hands.  Her head is the eye of a man, her arm is the mustache and her shoulder and chest is his nose.  See it?

#3.  Guess the age of this woman.

Old Young lady

ANSWER #3.  She could be in her 20’s or 30’s OR she could look much older.  Do you see both?

IF YOU DON’T SEE IT: To see the young woman, her ear is in the center of the photo and she is looking over her right shoulder.  See her eye lashes and nose on the left side of the portrait?  NOW, to see the old woman, the young woman’s chin is the old woman’s nose.  The young woman’s eye lashes and nose are the old woman’s right eye.  The young woman’s ear in the center is the old woman’s left eye.  See it yet?

#4.  Are you choosing to see the light of the dark, or both?

    Vase faces

ANSWER #4 There is a vase in the center, displayed in white.  The dark portions on either side depict two faces looking at each other.

#5.  How many people are in this picture?

old-couple

ANSWER #5.  FIVE!

IF YOU DON’T SEE THEM: And old woman and man are looking at each other.  The old man’s face is a picture of a man playing a guitar and his ear is a woman in a doorway.  The old woman’s face on the left is another man with his hands on his hat.  Do you also see the goblet in this one?

#6.  Name the type of animal you see below.

rabbitduck

ANSWER #6.  There is a duck AND a Rabbit!

IF YOU DON’T SEE IT:  The duck is facing to the left side with his beak open.  The rabbit is facing right and his ears are the duck’s beak.  See both?

#7.  And what type of animal is this one?

 frog-horse-visual-illusion

#7.  Do you see the horse?  How about the Frog?

IF YOU DON’T SEE IT:  The horse if looking to the left and his eye is in the center and the main of his hair is surrounded by blue.  Now flip the picture in your head.  The blue is now the water and the frog’s eyes are where the horses nostrils were.  See both?

#8. This one is tricky.  What is it?

liar

#8 ANSWER.  Most people see a man with glasses.  This one took me a while but it is actually the word Liar in cursive.

IF YOU DON’T SEE IT:  Read from the top of the page diagonally downward.  See it now?

While these are all fun, I wanted to use them to point out perception.  There is usually more than one way to look at something or someone.  If you take the time and look deeper, you may find that there is much more to someone than you thought.  As with a situation, you can choose to see the bright side or you can choose to see the negative.

Please be sure you look and think twice before you make an evaluation.  And remember, you can always change the way you see anything.  I went to the doctor’s today and was told I had bronchitis and an ear infection.  Instead of looking at the bad side, I chose to see that at least it wasn’t pneumonia and now I have antibiotics so I can focus on the healing aspect.  What’s not good about that?  There is no need for sympathy and feeling sorry for myself.  I chose to be happy about it.

What situations in your life would you like to see in a brighter light?  Know that it is possible.  It starts with you.

Feel free to let me know if you have a hard time seeing the multiple images.  I’ll try to help.

Thanks for stopping by.  Tomorrow I will be posting part 2 of the tips I have for a happy marriage after being married for more than 22 years.  You don’t want to miss it.  If you didn’t catch part 1, be sure to check it out to the right.  Please share this and any other posts you enjoy.  Have a great day!