Helping Others

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Relay For Life – The Silent Lap

Relay For Life

I have been asked to read the following poem that I wrote at the Gardner, MA Relay For Life 2014.  I am extremely honored and excited.  Cancer has taken the lives of several relatives and friends and I have several relatives and friends who are also amazing survivors.  Hope, Pray, Fight for a cure!!

 

Relay For Life – The Silent Lap

More than a thousand people
On a quarter-mile track.
Gardner, MA
One of the largest Relay’s in North America.
So many people
Focusing on how cancer has touched their lives.
The silent lap begins.

Thoughts turn
To celebrating the Survivors;
Our loved ones,
Other people who have shared their stories,
The differences they have made
In other people’s lives
Through their journey,
All they’ve done since their diagnosis.
We are filled with gratitude
That they are still with us.
Silence.

The walk
Turns to a shuffle
As the track is filled,
One by one by people
Who are filled with sorrow and hope.

Silence falls over the large crowd
Except for a few teenagers
Playing basketball away from the track,
Unaware of the depths of what they miss.
Even the children are silent.
The tiniest of babies, are silent.
Memories,
Gratitude.
Hope.
Tears fall.
Silence.

We remember those
Who have lost their battle with cancer.
Luminaries line the track…
There are far too many and we wish there were none.
There are decorated in honor of…
Relatives,
Sisters, brothers, parents;
Grandparents;
Aunts, Uncles, Cousins.
We look for ones we recognize.
Friends
Coworkers,
Acquaintances,
Those who have touched our lives,
Loved and cared for us,
Made us laugh,
Made our lives better because they were here.
Memories.
Silence.

People standing
On the side of the track,
Missing their loved ones,
Praying for the survivors,
Hoping for a cure.
We are all united as one.
Thousands within a half mile radius
Contributing to the search for a cure.
Hopes and prayers
That no one else they know
Is added to the list they honor
At a fundraiser.
Silence.

In honor,
In memory,
In celebration of life,
With hopes for a cure.
Silence.

 

Please “Like” below if this has touched your heart and “Share” by using the buttons below if you feel others will be touched as well.

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My Top 3 Most Influential Authors and Lecturers

I wanted to share with you a bit of information about 3 people who have inspired me to be a better person and who’s quotes make me push myself harder, keep going and fuel my desire to continue helping other people.

zig ziglarBOB PROCTOR

Bob was once down and out in the 60’s  He had dropped out of school and was unable to find anything more than dead-end jobs until he came across Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich.”  After following the information outlined in the book, he improved his standing in life and eventually his income topped the $1 Million mark.  He has been conducting lectures based on the book with added inspiration from Earl Nightingale, his real life mentor, for more than 40 years.  He wass the presenter of the book, “The Secret,” a book on The Law of Attraction.  He is the author of 39 books including, “101 Ways to Improve Your Life,” “Be a Magnet to Money” and “You Were Born Rich.”

3 Top Favorite Quotes from Bob Proctor

  1. “The only limits in our life are those we impose on ourselves.”
  2. “Most people are not going after what they want. Even some of the most serious goal seekers and goal setters, they’re going after what they think they can get.”
  3. “Thoughts become things. If you see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hand.”

Zig Ziglar 2ZIG ZIGLAR

Hilary Hinton, “Zig” was born in 1926 and passed recently in 2012.  He was a very accomplished motivational speaker who focused on corporate training and personal development.  His program, “I CAN” is taught in more than 3,000 schools, and hundreds of businesses use his training and motivational materials. He was a top notch salesman earning one of the highest incomes in his field when he left to improve the lives of others by giving back his knowledge to help improve people’s personal and professional lives.

Mr. Ziglar has authored 26 books with titles such as, “Born To WIn – Find Your Success Code,” Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World,” and “Ziglar on Selling – the Ultimate Handbook for the Complete Sales Professional.”

3 Top Favorite Quotes from Zig Ziglar

    1. “What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”
    2. “Don’t be distracted by criticism.  Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.”
    3. “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.”

Don Miguel RuizDON MIGUEL RUIZ

Don Miguel Ruiz was born into a family of healers. His mother was a healer and his grandfather was a shaman.  He went to school to become a surgeon but after a near death experience, he started down the path of personal introspect.  After studying the art of ancient ancestral wisdom he became an nagual, a teacher who guides an individual to personal freedom.  His writings focus on ancient Toltec Wisdom.  I have read two of his books and I am now on a third.  They have been very instrumental in my life.  He has written 8 books so far.  My favorites are, “The Four Agreements – The Practical Guide to Personal Freedom,” “The Fifth Agreement – A Practical Guide to Self Mastery,” and “The Four Agreements Companion Book – Using the Four Agreements to Master The Dream of Your Life.”

3 Top Favorite Quotes by Don Miguel Ruiz:

  1. “When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
  2. “Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.”
  3. “Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”

It was difficult to only choose 3 of each of their quotes that are favorites.  I have so many more.  There are a great number of inspirational authors and speakers out there.  I could go on and on.  The first two I just happened to have had the fortune of attending their seminars and lectures several times over a few years and their work has made a huge difference to who I am and the works of Don Miguel Ruiz have been my most recent influences.  I am grateful to all 3 of these men.

Who has inspired you lately?  What is your favorite quote that pushes you through your toughest times?  Please leave a comment below.

Based on their teachings, I have started writing quotes of my own.  If you’d like additional inspiration, click this link to read the list I compiled of my own 10 Quotes That Will Truly Inspire You ~ Missy Bell.

 

SOURCES:

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Destined For Greatness – A Poem for the Special Ed Teacher

DESTINED FOR GREATNESSDestined for Greatness

 

 

I am destined for greatness

This much I know

Exactly how I’ll get there

Only time will show

 

I believe I owe you thanks

For whom I will one day be

Because you have shown

So much faith in me

 

You have taught me lessons

Both big and small

I will do my best

To remember them all

 

So many days I struggled

To pay attention to what you say

You showed me patience and love

And forgave me those days

 

You have stood by me

Trying to find what works best

I’m sure all that you’ve learned

Has been put to the test

 

I truly feel

That you believe in me

That’s why am destined for greatness

You will someday see

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Taking Things for Granted

1378540_10151694935438456_596636773_nI was traveling down the highway today when I realized that this is the first year in many that I can actually recall enjoying the fall foliage.  I have been living here in New England since I was 5.  I suppose when you spend so much time around something that you become immune to it.  The realization makes me feel like I have been asleep for years, unconscious to my surroundings.

My mother loves to tell the story of when I was very young, most likely around 6, when we were in the car one October day and I said to her, in all my innocence, “Someone should tell God that he does a really nice job painting the leaves.”

I’m not sure what the cause was to heighten my awareness this year but I am grateful.  Perhaps it’s because I have been out in nature more or that I’ve been taking so many pictures.  Maybe It’s a part of my recent awareness in the here and now.

I started noticing the changes early on.  It started out as a few leaves and became gradual as the more healthy trees seem to stay green longer.  The colors vary and each tree is unique and magnificent in its own way.  It reminds me of us. How we go through phases in our lives where we feel like we are dying inside but everyone else still seems to see our beauty.  It’s still there.  The leaves may completely fall and the trees may seem bare, but it is not long before the flakes of winter arrive here in New England and the trees show their beauty as they stand tall, holding snow on each branch as if to say, “I caught this for your to admire.”  A sign of strength.  The spring comes and life returns as with us, the cycle of the things we go through in our lives.

Take time to notice the beauty in, not only your surroundings, but in others in your life as well.  Don’t take the beauty of others for granted, just because you see them all the time.

1379474_10151680609873456_869095687_n  1390516_10151680609163456_1243432630_n    1383512_10151694935688456_1120127549_n  1385040_10151684538348456_1884857015_n

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Every Scar Carries a Fascinating Story

Every scar carries a fascinating story.  We have to remember this when dealing with other people and respect their individuality, even when we do not know what they have been through or cannot see those scars.

Most scars are often thought of as being visible on the body but there are many internal scars that people carry that are invisible.  Everyone carries some sort of internal scar on their heart or soul; each one is different and as unique as the person themselves.  You will not see these types of scars and have to remind yourself on occasion that they exist.  Most people don’t care to discuss them because they obviously bring up bad memories.  Discussing the reason for the scars causes them to recall that pain all over again. 

These scars are a part of that person.  They will often act in a certain way to avoid the very situation that caused it in the first place.  Think about that very carefully.  You may often wonder why people act the way they do and claim that you just don’t understand them.  If you keep in mind the invisible scars it will help you to realize that they may be acting in a certain way to avoid future scars of the same nature.

Let me give an example; if, when you were a child, you were screamed at every time you spoke up for yourself or every time you crossed someone’s path or got in the way, after a while, you would stop doing those things to avoid the confrontation.  Perhaps, you would do everything you could to avoid confrontation all together.  This could be a character trait that carries with you into adulthood and may perhaps, last a lifetime.  Other people may not understand why you are like that.  There is a great possibility that you don’t even understand why you do it or realize the cause of how it developed. 

There are many scenarios that could cause scars, even much deeper than this.  Since we are the only ones who are with us 24 hours a day, every day of the week, you may not realize what even your best friend or significant other went through during their day or what they have going on in their own head that causes them to act the way they do.  Some scars are formed by the things we say to ourselves.  These can be just as detrimental as anything someone else says to us.

We all need to be patient with others and realize that they did not experience the same things we did in our lives.  They come from different backgrounds, experienced different events and had different ways of interpreting situations.  No two people will ever be the same, even twins.  We need to have acceptance for that.  Once we do, we will relate better to those in our lives and not everything will be a struggle.  When someone acts differently from us, we will understand that there are underlying reasons.  It is not important to conform everyone to be just like us.  That would actually be detrimental.  It is not a battle we should even entertain.

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If you’d like a visual, look at a still photo of a group of people who are experiencing the same thing. The attached picture here is of my kids with their friends simply looking in the mirror for a photo.  Each and every one had a different expression on their face.  It’s because each of them were creating their own experience, their own way of interpreting something that simple and their own way of expressing their individuality.  It’s fascinating really.

So, the next time you notice someone acting differently from how you would and you find it strange, remember that there are reasons that you may never know, based on scars they may never be able to speak of.  Don’t point out that they are wrong or try to change them, merely try to understand that they are just different and they have their own reasons.  Acceptance goes a long way.

I encourage you to comment below with your feelings or examples of this and what you got out of it.  Please let me know if this helps you in any way.  Feel free to share with your friends or follow the blog.

I have started a new blog as well.  If you are interested, check out my other page, “Where the Ghosts Live,” which is about all things paranormal, at http://www.WhereTheGhostsLive.wordpress.com.”

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10 Quotes That Will Truly Inspire You

I have been writing inspirational status’ on Facebook for several years now.  These status’ are about what I am personally learning at any given time in my life and I word it in a non-specific way so that other people can benefit from what I am learning.  Often times I write them just for me, as a reminder of where I need to focus my attention, as if it is advice to myself.

The fascinating part of doing this, and another reason I have continued for so long is because I received such a great response from my friends who happened to be struggling with something and my quote put into words what they were feeling or exactly what they needed to hear that day.  I became addicted to helping others at a young age and so when I learned this was helping others, it was only natural for me to continue.

I went through some of them and gathered them together to share with you today.  I will not stick with one subject though because, chances are, if I vary the topics, you may have a better chance of finding something that resonates with you.

Please keep in mind, these are my quotes.  I did not take them from the internet or from someone famous.  I wrote these.  I would be flattered if you share them, but if you do, please be sure you put it in quotes and include my name at the end for credit.

  • FEAR:  “Identify one of your fears that is stopping you from doing something you want to do. Evaluate that fear and question whether or not it stems from your past and if it’s even a valid fear in your present. Your fear may be outdated and no longer serving its purpose in which case you need to eliminate it and move on to accomplish what you hope to accomplish.” ~ Missy Bell
  • WORRY:  “Worrying about something you have no control over and hasn’t happened yet is like trying to shovel the driveway before it snows!” ~ Missy Bell
  • FACING LIFE’S CHALLENGES:  “Challenges are placed before us so we may learn more about ourselves and to give us practice in learning how to overcome them in the future.” ~ Missy Bell
  • MAKING A CHANGE:  “It is so much more important to change how you think than to change how you look.”  ~ Missy Bell
  • TRUTH:  “Want to know the truth? You already do. Whatever you believe to be true is your truth but not necessarily everyone else’s.” ~ Missy Bell
  • PERCEPTION:  “We experience disappointment, sorrow and a heavy heart in order to be able to appreciate joy, bliss and enlightenment.  Without having felt the negative emotions, we would not be able to recognize or appreciate their opposites.” ~ Missy Bell
  • SELF-ESTEEM:  “You are awesome and amazing. Don’t ever listen to anyone who tries to contradict that statement, especially yourself!” ~ Missy Bell
  • RAISING CHILDREN:  “Teach your children well for someday you will need them to reteach you what you’ve forgotten.” ~ Missy Bell
  • AFFIRMATION:  “Today is a new day and I choose to be happy in it.  I will see by the light of love, not by the spotlight others are shining upon what they want me to see.  I will focus on what I can control and not stress over what I cannot.  I will dance to the beat of my own drum and make beautiful music in the process.  I will be who I am an only apologize when I am not.  I will not worry about what others think of me as long as I am happy with my own actions.  I will accept others for who they are.  I will live for now but plan for a brighter tomorrow.  I will not settle for by falling into false beliefs that this is as good as it gets.  I will start each day accepting the day before as it was and asking myself how I can improve myself today.
  • SUCCESS:  “Define your success not by the success of others but by your ability to achieve the goals you have set for yourself. If you feel unsuccessful, create new goals.” ~ Missy Bell

I hope some or all of these touch your heart in some way or inspire you.  Please let me know if you have a favorite!!

If you are looking for more inspiration or tips on how to add more inner peace and happiness to your life, choose something else from the categories to the right of this post.  Please share anything that resonates with you. 

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22 Years Of Marriage – Our Secrets Revealed – Part 2

Here is what you’ve been waiting for… Part 2 of Our Secrets Revealed.  Are you interested in knowing what has kept my husband and I together for 22 plus years?  The first part was published on Friday and can be found on the right by going to the category section.  I hope you find part 2 equally as helpful.  Please keep in mind that I will not be listing everything here.  I will be including more at a later time.

My husband and I have had our problems, learned from them and have been married for 22 years.  He asked that I go ahead and finish part 2 and after he reads it he has promised too make a comment with what he thinks I missed.  (He has one thing specific in mind and he thinks I won’t include it.  Let’s see if he’s wrong.)

These next 2 paragraphs should be repeated because they are very important…

I think the most important thing to realize is that love is not that “butterfly feeling” you get in the pit of your stomach.  If you believe that, you will never sustain true love.  Love is not a fairytale and (because you don’t want it to end), doesn’t have a “happy ending.”   Butterflies will come and go.  It is in the times when they are not there that the most rewarding part of love is found.  If you can keep this in mind, you are off to a great start.  Those butterflies may last for just a couple of months or maybe even a couple of years.  But as soon as things aren’t going as you planned, they may disappear.  It doesn’t mean you stopped loving the person and it doesn’t mean you can’t get those feelings back.  It just signifies a change in the relationship.

Love is found in your thoughts, not your heart.  It is constant work, as with anything worthwhile and it requires effort.  So, without further delay, on to those tips I promised:

  • Give the other person space and TRUST!  The guys need a guys night or time alone playing video games and girls need time with their friends and by themselves.  Respect that and trust them.  Don’t put ideas in your head about what could happen when they are out with friends, just trust.  Treat it as a great time to explore your hobby or spend time with the kids or your family or even do nothing at all.  Being together all the time is not good for a relationship either.
  • Do not take things personally.  This part took a long time for me to learn.  I had to unlearn a lifetime of personal self talk where I took things personally.  I learned that sometimes, who am I kidding, a lot of times we take things out on the people closest to us in our lives and this is our family.  It doesn’t make it right but we are conditioned in our professional life to hold our tongue and keep things in so when we get home, if we’ve had a bad day, we express it.  When we tell the stories we can tend to give them a lot of emotion and that could come across as yelling or being angry at our partner.  Be careful that if you are guilty of this that you try to curb how you say it and what emotions you give to.  That’s also important for you own health if you are a continual offender.   If you are the recipient. don’t take it personally.  They had a bad day and sometimes just having someone listen is all that is needed to get rid of the stress.  Try to respect that.
  • Never have one person in charge of disciplining the kids.  Again, yours, mine ours, it doesn’t matter, you need to both be the bad guys.  Remember you are the adult, not their friend, although there will be time for friendship.  You goal should be to raise those kids so they can be functional members of society.  That means that they should learn young that their actions have consequences, good and bad.  You must stick with the punishments you dish out and neither of you can be the “softie.”  As I mentioned above, write out that list of punishments to fit the crime and post it on the fridge.  Make sure it is reasonable so you can stick with it.  And never favor one child over the other, even with an age difference.  the punishment should fit the crime.  Being on the same page together will show unity between you and it will also ensure that your children will trust that what you say, you mean.  When you show unity, they will be more apt to gravitate toward having that in their own  relationships when they are old enough.  They learn from us.
  • Stay best friends.  Do not talk behind each others back.  If you have a problem with your spouse, don’t run and tell a friend before you talk it over with your partner.  It will get blown out of proportion and your friend will always side with you.  The friend will often times add fuel to the fire and bring up past times when your partner acted the same way or their own partner did.  Everyone has a story to add as well as an opinion.  It’s not advice you need, its a solution that has to come from the two who are in the relationship.  In the same respect, stay out of other people’s arguments.  Once you hear someone else’s complaints about what is going on with them you are sure to start noticing it in your own relationship.
  • Love and respect each other.  This should go without saying.  Respect their opinions, choices, decisions and ways of doing things.  Every one of us is different and we should not expect others to be just like us.  When you show love and respect, you will get the same in return.
  • Compromise.  Focus on the solution, not the problem.  As mentioned several times in part 1 and 2, you come from different backgrounds, of course you will do things differently and have different solutions.  Listen to each other.  Hear all the other has to say then come to a compromise.  You can either meet in the middle or realize the other person has a better idea.  Other times you will see that when you put both ideas together a third one will develop that was greater that the originals.
  • Know and discuss your coping mechanisms.  I’m the type that can only discuss something for so long in the heat of the moment before I have to leave, gain my composure then come back to talk rationally.  I am aware that if I stay I will make the situation worse and my walking away for a bit is not me giving up or running away, it is gathering my thoughts and composure so I can handle the situation more calmly.  My husband knows that and understands that when I leave, it is not a personal attack on him and I will be back soon.
  • Be intimate.  This is obvious in the first few years of your relationship but as time goes on, we stop spending as much time together.  The kids are always around and take up much of our time and energy or we get caught up in life or work.  Hold hands, flirt, joke, snuggle, and the rest is obvious.  But sometimes just getting back to hugging everyday with a sincere kiss can bring the spark back.
  • Talk about your future, your goals, where you see yourself as a couple in 3 years, 5 years, etc.  This is of course, after the relationship has gone past the dating stages.  This will give you common ground, goals to reach together.  When you invest in that, you focus on seeing the two of you together and that’s where the focus should remain.  Even if it’s a trip together or growing old sitting on a porchsipping lemonade; whatever that dream is, keep dreaming it together.
  • Don’t give up on each other – ever.  Depressions can set in and it can seem sometimes that the other person is being neglectful.  That may not actually be the case.  They may be holding something in that they need to find an outlet for.  Pay attention.  If you notice the other person becoming distant, schedule an event or outing that you both like to do, alone and talk.  Connect.  But never think it’s because they no longer care.  In doing that, you set the relationship up for failure.  Never give up on them.

So, as I mentioned, there are many more.  I wil write more on this. For now, I hope I have helped some of you or that you will pass part 1 or 2 on to others.

Please comment below and let us know which one is your favorite and why.  Remember, I have more to follow but you may also leave one of your suggestions that has helped you with your marriage.

(Please check to the right to read the first part of this by checking the post listings or categories and also look for other tips and techniques that will reduce your stress and give you greater inner peace and happiness.  Thank you as always, for stopping by and THANK YOU FOR SHARING!)  ❤

weiselcantlin2

When Helping Isn’t Really Helping

There comes a point in time when helping someone really isn’t helping them.   You could actually be doing someone a disservice by helping.  How do you know when to recognize this?

We spend many years teaching our children the skills they need to succeed on their own once they are in the real world.  When they have difficulties some parents make excuses and do things for their children.   Most kids choose to learn from the situation but will still expect the parent to get them out of tough spots because things have always been made easy for them.

This leads to an entitlement issue.  They think that the parent owes them.  They will in turn, lash out when the parent steps back and decides they have given them the skills they need to succeed because they don’t want to actually take the action themselves.  It’s easier for them not to.  They have learned how to manipulate situations and parents (and others) to get what they want.  When things are no longer easy and the effort needs to come from within, they resist and fight back.

It isn’t just teenagers who act like this.  I’m sure we can all name a relative or friend or associate who is guilty of acting like this.

Sometimes not helping is the best thing you can do for a person.  It will hurt to watch them suffer for a bit but hopefully the suffering will cause them to act on their own and to own up to and take care of their own responsibilities.

Yes, it is a very kind thing to help others but if they are not truly benefiting from your help, it’s time to stop.

You should also be cautious of helping others just because you will benefit from the situation.  That is not actually doing things out of the kindness of your heart and is not helping either of you in the long run.

Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself  to see if your help is actually what the person really needs:

  • Do they really need help?  Some people only ask for help because they are being lazy.  They can swim but want a life preserver thrown their way so they don’t have to work as hard.
  • Is that person trying to help themselves?  If not, your help is not benefiting the person.  They need to learn to do things for themselves to survive on their own.
  • Is that person grateful for your help?  If they are not, there should be no question.  You should not be helping them.  That’s not fair to you.
  • Are you helping them because you want to help them or because you have to help them?  If you want to help and the above questions are not a no, then by all means, help.  If you feel like it is an obligation, you may want to think twice.
  • Is the reason they need your help due to a situation they have gotten themselves into that was unnecessary?  Perhaps in this type of situation, they should be learning from natural consequences and help should not be given.  If you choose to help, you will be doing both you and them a disservice and bringing unnecessary negativity into your own life.
  • If you did not help them, would they be able to do this for themselves?  If they are unable and their desire is strong to do for themselves and they would be grateful for your assistance, then help in the areas where you can.

Helping is never a requirement.  It is a kind gesture.  You have the right to choose in any situation.  When you feel like your right to choose to help has been taken away, that is not a healthy situation.  You have to decide what is best for you.

You may need to evaluate those you have been helping, why you have been helping them and whether they are actually benefiting from your help or if they would benefit more by learning how to do things for themselves.

I think it’s also important to mention that when you help someone who needs it, be sure you keep a clear line of communication of where the help is actually needed and how the person needs it done.  If you are not doing something correctly, the lines of communication need to be open enough to be able to hear where changes need to be made without feeling the person is being ungrateful.

I have noticed in my own life that I need to step back and let some people help themselves, that it is the only way they will learn what they need to from the situation.  It is not my responsibility to constantly bail people out or think of a solution for them.  In doing so, I have been hindering them from self discovery and the feeling of accomplishment they would receive by doing it themselves.

Tell me, have you run into situations where you realized that you weren’t actually doing anyone any favors by offering your assistance?  What was the outcome?