Finding Balance

weiselcantlin2

Need EXTRA Time?

indexI can’t believe it’s that time of year again… already!!!  Where does the time go?

Time.  That’s the discussion for today.  This week most of us in the U.S. will be turning our clocks back an hour, on Sunday evening at 2am to be exact.  You know what that means, 1 extra hour to…  hmmm… what will you do with that extra hour?

You could go to bed and wake up at your normal time feeling more rested for getting that extra hour of sleep.  Perhaps you would choose something a little more exciting instead.  Wouldn’t that be the perfect night to plan a Halloween party with friends?  The time difference would enable you to stay out a little later and still get up at the same time. How about staying up late with your love or your kids and watching an extra movie (if you can stay awake through it.)

Just remember though, if you have to work on Sunday, be extra careful and set two alarms. You wouldn’t want to show up to work an hour early!!  I’ve done that.  That hour belongs to you!!  Don’t lose it.

I’m guessing you have unique ideas as to what you would do with an extra hour.  I’d love to hear it.  I’m looking forward to your incredible suggestions in the comment section.

If you are excited about having this extra hour, and you would love to have MORE time in your life on a daily basis, check out the link below for some amazing suggestions on how you could save time!  20 Ideas That Give You More Time in Your Day.

Thank you as always for stopping by.  Please leave a comment below, not only as to what you will do with that hour but as many options as you could think of to give our readers new ideas.

Missy Bell

*Photo from communities.washingtontimes.com
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Does Procrastination Get The Best Of You?

We often go through our day-by-day routines and get so caught up in our daily lives and the distractions that surround us, that when we look back, we realize we’ve missed something.  When we procrastinate on what needs to be done for things less important, we find that we miss out on opportunities because we are just too busy.

1378095_10151712087208456_1825873859_nAs time progresses we realize that, even with good intentions, we may not be where we want to be.  We find that regret sets in and we start beating ourselves up for things we have not accomplished.  In reality, when we were in those moments of our daily lives we were doing the best with what we had and what we were able to do with the time allotted.

It’s often that time becomes the enemy.  We never seem to have enough of it.  I know the older I get, the less hours I feel I have in a day.  It seems that if there was a way to stop it, for whatever we needed it for; if there was a way, we would have already found it.  All it seems we can do is recognize what it is we feel we are missing or need to accomplish, manage time better and find a way to fit it in.

Recognizing it before we fall too far behind is very essential. The best way to do that is to evaluate more instead of just going through the day-to-day motions.  I know, it sounds so much easier than it actually is.  It’s important to slow down daily and make it a routine to check in with yourself.  Scan your day and acknowledge what went well, what didn’t and what you missed that could be scheduled the next day.  Write it down then give yourself a time frame, maybe even set an alarm. Then take solid action.

Some days will seem so out of control with everything that is expected of us.  It’s important to not be too hard on yourself.  Make every effort to do your best in every moment.  When you do your best, there should be no regrets.

weiselcantlin2

10 Quotes That Will Truly Inspire You

I have been writing inspirational status’ on Facebook for several years now.  These status’ are about what I am personally learning at any given time in my life and I word it in a non-specific way so that other people can benefit from what I am learning.  Often times I write them just for me, as a reminder of where I need to focus my attention, as if it is advice to myself.

The fascinating part of doing this, and another reason I have continued for so long is because I received such a great response from my friends who happened to be struggling with something and my quote put into words what they were feeling or exactly what they needed to hear that day.  I became addicted to helping others at a young age and so when I learned this was helping others, it was only natural for me to continue.

I went through some of them and gathered them together to share with you today.  I will not stick with one subject though because, chances are, if I vary the topics, you may have a better chance of finding something that resonates with you.

Please keep in mind, these are my quotes.  I did not take them from the internet or from someone famous.  I wrote these.  I would be flattered if you share them, but if you do, please be sure you put it in quotes and include my name at the end for credit.

  • FEAR:  “Identify one of your fears that is stopping you from doing something you want to do. Evaluate that fear and question whether or not it stems from your past and if it’s even a valid fear in your present. Your fear may be outdated and no longer serving its purpose in which case you need to eliminate it and move on to accomplish what you hope to accomplish.” ~ Missy Bell
  • WORRY:  “Worrying about something you have no control over and hasn’t happened yet is like trying to shovel the driveway before it snows!” ~ Missy Bell
  • FACING LIFE’S CHALLENGES:  “Challenges are placed before us so we may learn more about ourselves and to give us practice in learning how to overcome them in the future.” ~ Missy Bell
  • MAKING A CHANGE:  “It is so much more important to change how you think than to change how you look.”  ~ Missy Bell
  • TRUTH:  “Want to know the truth? You already do. Whatever you believe to be true is your truth but not necessarily everyone else’s.” ~ Missy Bell
  • PERCEPTION:  “We experience disappointment, sorrow and a heavy heart in order to be able to appreciate joy, bliss and enlightenment.  Without having felt the negative emotions, we would not be able to recognize or appreciate their opposites.” ~ Missy Bell
  • SELF-ESTEEM:  “You are awesome and amazing. Don’t ever listen to anyone who tries to contradict that statement, especially yourself!” ~ Missy Bell
  • RAISING CHILDREN:  “Teach your children well for someday you will need them to reteach you what you’ve forgotten.” ~ Missy Bell
  • AFFIRMATION:  “Today is a new day and I choose to be happy in it.  I will see by the light of love, not by the spotlight others are shining upon what they want me to see.  I will focus on what I can control and not stress over what I cannot.  I will dance to the beat of my own drum and make beautiful music in the process.  I will be who I am an only apologize when I am not.  I will not worry about what others think of me as long as I am happy with my own actions.  I will accept others for who they are.  I will live for now but plan for a brighter tomorrow.  I will not settle for by falling into false beliefs that this is as good as it gets.  I will start each day accepting the day before as it was and asking myself how I can improve myself today.
  • SUCCESS:  “Define your success not by the success of others but by your ability to achieve the goals you have set for yourself. If you feel unsuccessful, create new goals.” ~ Missy Bell

I hope some or all of these touch your heart in some way or inspire you.  Please let me know if you have a favorite!!

If you are looking for more inspiration or tips on how to add more inner peace and happiness to your life, choose something else from the categories to the right of this post.  Please share anything that resonates with you. 

weiselcantlin2

They Will Always Know They Are Loved

Time keeps on slipping away from me.  It seems like my children were in elementary school less than two years ago.  Not the case.  This week we celebrated birthday’s for both of my boys who were born 2 years and 5 days apart.  This week they are now 18 and 20!

I can’t believe the time has moved by so quickly.  It’s been a whirlwind since they got their permits.  They are forever with friends, figuring life out, who they are, and who they want to become.  I want that for them, I do, but I miss them being around all the time.  It does make family time more special though.

Don’t get me wrong, these are the days I looked forward to forever as a young parent.  “When will I ever be able to have time to have a thought of my own without the interruption of unnecessary sounds and noises (ah, teen-aged boys, how they love to make sounds like dying seals, just to hear themselves?)  Lately, I find that I hold a full conversation with my youngest while on a car ride before I realize that he has his head phones in.  (DAMN!  What a meaningful conversation spoken on deaf ears.)

I have to hope that I have given them the best of guidance I can give, the best advice, the best word-beating a mother can give, and the knowledge of how to think for themselves in tough situations.  I hope and I pray and I hope some more.  With every month that slips by they seem further away.  A night at a friends turns into days.  Then all the friends migrate here for a night and they are off to another friend’s house.

They have both graduated and will be moving on soon.  I know the tears will flow freely on that day.  There will be tears of joy for them as they venture into the world to give the gift of themselves to it but I will also cry a few tears of sadness because I will miss the interactions and battles of whit.

I remember when they were young teens and texting and Facebook were new to us.  I posted something to my son’s page that said that I loved him.  Someone said,”isn’t he right down the hall?”  He was.  I didn’t neglect that fact nor did I not profess that I loved them to their faces.  This was merely a way of letting the world know.  I have always told my kids how much I love them.

One thing I started a long time ago and try to remember each night, especially with as far away as they already seem, is that I send them, (and my husband) a text every night before I fall asleep telling them they are loved.  As I did this tonight I thought, “this is something that can never change.”  One day they will have families of their own and we will not see each other every day, possibly not for weeks, even months on end but that text will remain and stand as a reminder that they will always be in my heart and in my thoughts and they will always be loved.

Is there something you do daily to let someone know they are special to you?

Thank you for stopping by.  Please look to the sidebar on the right for more tips and posts on how to reduce stress and increase inner peace and happiness.  Please click the like button or share to one of the social media sites below to show you enjoyed this post.  Thanks!  ❤

Yesterday’s post was Part 2 of 2 on the secrets that have kept my marriage together for more than 22 years.  Be sure to check out both parts (on the right side bar under July 2013.)

weiselcantlin2

22 Plus Years Of Marriage – Our Secrets Revealed – Part 1

I have been thinking about writing this for a while now.  I have been asked by so many people what our secret is to being married for over 22 years that I figured now was a good time to divulge a few of those secrets.   I hope you will find these tips helpful in your own relationship.

I started writing this with the intention of sharing a few of my top favorites but the more I wrote, the more I added.  Therefore, I will make this part 1 of 2.  What I (we) have learned over the past 22 years could probably fill a book.  But today’s list will definitely get you started.  YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS PART 2, I GUARANTEE!!  Therefore, I encourage you to sign up to receive notifications of when I put up new posts so you don’t miss part 2.  I would also like to invite you to share this with everyone on your Facebook, Twitter and other social media outlets.  You can do so easily by clicking one of the buttons at the bottom of the post.  You never know who’s lives you may improve with this information.  I appreciate it.

I think the most important thing to realize is that love is not that “butterfly feeling” you get in the pit of your stomach.  If you believe that, you will never sustain true love.  Love is not a fairytale and (because you don’t want it to end), doesn’t have a “happy ending.”   Butterflies will come and go.  It is in the times when they are not there that the most rewarding part of love is found.  If you can keep this in mind, you are off to a great start.  Those butterflies may last for just a couple of months or maybe even a couple of years.  But as soon as things aren’t going as you planned, they may disappear.  It doesn’t mean you stopped loving the person and it doesn’t mean you can’t get those feelings back.  It just signifies a change in the relationship.

Love is found in your thoughts, not your heart.  It is constant work, and as with anything worthwhile, it requires great effort.  So, without further delay, on to the first set of tips:

  • Bring up any issues immediately.  There will be plenty of issues, I guarantee.  Both parties were raised in different environments, by different people who had different rules, values and parenting/role model techniques.  Therefore, expect to see things completely different from your partner.  When feelings arise, talk about them.  Don’t let them fester.  The more you dwell on something, the bigger it gets.  Focus on the solution instead.  Approach the other person with kindness with hopes of a resolution, not to lay blame or “call them out” on something.  This has been big for me over the years.  I think too much and sometimes assume there is an issue when there really isn’t.  I get it in my head that he feels a certain way and I’m usually wrong if it’s negative.  Getting it out in the open dispels those theories of mine or helps to come to a solution if I’m right.  The discussion is not heated when it is recognized immediately.
  • Listen!  If you have something that needs to be addressed it’s a good idea to “schedule it.”  I know, that sounds strange, but think about it.  Do you really want to bring something up when the other person is caught up in watching sports or their favorite TV show or perhaps in deep thought about a work-related issue?  Respecting that the person may need time to get to where they can give you their undivided attention goes a long way.  They are more apt to hear you, listen attentively and commit to the conversation and a solution.  If you are approached with something and it is not a good time for you, let the other person know politely that you need 5-10 minutes, even an hour so you can be sure the person has your attention fully.  Never bring something up in front of other people.  There is a time and place, and in public is neither of those.  Make sure you discuss this in advance so neither of you are angry when the person mentions they need time so they can focus on you.  You will really come to appreciate the honesty and the respect.  When that time arrives, make sure there will be little to no distractions (sometimes you may have to wait until you put the kids to bed.)
  • Forgive, don’t hold a grudge.  If you keep bringing up a situation that happened in the past, you will never move past it.  Forgiving, if necessary, gives you both freedom.  You no longer focus on the negative and the problem disappears.  It’s in the past, let it stay there, don’t revisit it.  If the same issue resurfaces, address it as a new situation, not a continuation.  Holding on to the negative will keep you in a negative state.
  • Have patience.  Jumping in with both guns blazing will set you up for failure before the issue is ever resolved.  If you’re angry, the other person will automatically get defensive and then it just becomes a battle over who has better come backs or arguing strategies.  When you show patience toward the other person, there are also less struggles.  You see the person with love and whatever the battle is becomes minor.  Remember that love is not war.  It is not about who wins; it’s about solving things and moving forward toward a better, trusting relationship.  Patience will also help you forgive faster.  One more thing, when you have patience with someone, they are apt to have more patience with you.  We all need that.  When we are patient with each other, there is more room for loving emotions.
  • Speak kind words daily.  Find something nice to say to the other person.  It’s easy to find the negative, like nagging over the toilet seat being left up or the toothpaste lid being left off.  After time, those little things turn into big things if you don’t let them go.  They are not important in the scheme of things.  Finding the good things in your partner will remind you why you are together, make the other person feel more confident in themselves and they will want to be that person for you all the time.  Recognize the little things they do and compliment them.  My husband and I will randomly write each other a poem or tag each other in a cute photo on Facebook.  If one of us accomplishes something, even small, in our day, the other one will mention it with a verbal pat on the back.
  • Find a common interest.  My husband and I used to have favorite TV shows.  We would set the DVR to record them so that we could watch them together, not separately.  This would give us quality time together and show each other that we cared enough to wait for the other person to watch it together.  More recently we started exercising together.  He took up kickboxing, which started to take up a great deal of his free time, and our time together.  So, after much encouragement from him, I tried it.  Now we go together.  It is a common point of interest.  We are spending time together, getting healthier together and it gives us time during the drive to discuss our day, our future and anything that is going on that we may need to get off our chests.
  • Be forever mindful.  Notice which situations set you both off and come up with a plan to catch it before it becomes out of control or ensues in a full blown argument.
  • Don’t place blame.  You are a partnership.  Seek to solve, together.  Placing the blame on the other person as I mentioned earlier, sets them on the defensive.  It will not get you any closer to a resolution.  If you are being petty, it will make you feel better in the moment but really, think about it, when you place the blame, then you become at fault for something.  Is that where you want to be?  As well as not placing blame, do not belittle the other person or throw shortcomings in their face.  They are who they are.  You fell in love with them for the good but agreed to accept the not-so-good.  I’m sure you can come up with a list of examples a mile long but try not to.  I’ll just give you one of mine so you get the idea.  My husband usually has a hard time waking up on his own.  He forever sleeps through his alarm or hits snooze for the umpteenth time.  He is due to get up at least an hour before me.  Do I enjoy being woken up to several alarms and being half awake for an hour longer than I need to be?  Not really, but I make sure I don’t let it affect how I treat him.  I recognize this about him and I have found that if I simply say his name, my voice is enough to wake him up so he can hear the alarm and start his day.  He also knows that if I sleep through it, he has to face whatever consequences there are for him being late.  He just deals with the natural consequences and I never bring it up.  I know he doesn’t do it on purpose to make me angry.  These are the types of things you need to understand will happen and you just need to come to a compromise or help the other person to the best of your ability.
  • Laugh together.  I cannot stress the importance of this.  Laughter is crucial.  We must be able to laugh together, laugh at each other and laugh at ourselves.  Finding the comedy in everything around you relieves stress and when you do it together, you share the lighter side of life and it seems a lot less serious.
  • Don’t try to change the other person.  Again, you fell in love with who they are.  Love them for that.  If there is something they are doing that could damage their health, then I would say, yes, that’s a change that may need some instigating but always approach with love and from the heart.  Otherwise, this leads back to you pointing the finger and finding fault with them.  No one likes to feel attacked for who they are or the things they do.  They are unique.  Support their differences and stand up for them if necessary to anyone else who may want to put them down.
  • Ask for help.  Have this conversation with your partner early on as well.  There will come a time when things will be overwhelming for one of you.  If you have discussed that this will happen before it does, no matter the circumstances, asking for help will be a lot easier.  Give each other permission in advance to ask for that help and assure them that you will not see it as a sign of weakness, but as strength to admit they are human and cannot do everything on their own.  Then agree to help in any way you can when they do ask so you maintain their trust.
  • Have preset rules with the kids!  Whether the kids are yours, theirs or both of yours, discuss each of your views on certain situations involving your children.  Lay guidelines.  Post rules on the fridge for all to read and clearly state what the consequences are for each infraction.  It may be necessary to have separate lists for different age groups.  That way, there is no running to the other parent for salvation.  The rules are the rules.  I have to admit; this is something we learned that we wish we would have done.  We never actually incorporated it and regret it.  It would have saved many struggles between us and with the boys.
  • Take turns!  We had our first child a year and a half after we got married.  Who was going to change the diaper next always turned into a screaming match for us.  Don’t let this happen for you.  It’s not something to fight over.  Be courteous and take turns.  No one likes it.  If you work as a team on this and other things that are not pleasant, they will get done and the teamwork will provide a stronger bond and a greater respect between you both.

I feel like I have taken up enough of your time for now.  I have written most of the second half of this and look forward to sharing it with you.  YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS PART 2!!  Please watch for it by signing up to receive notifications.  They don’t do anything with your information except use it to send you my notifications.  It takes very little time and effort.  In the meantime, while you await part 2, please share this with everyone you know.  Let them know part 2 is on it’s way.  My husband and I would love to hear that because of these tips, others have made their relationships into what they dreamed it could be.

Please comment below and let us know which number is your favorite and why.  Remember, I have more to follow but you may also leave one of your suggestions that has helped you with your marriage.

(Please check to the right to see if the second part of this has been posted by checking the post listings or categories and also look for other tips and techniques that will reduce your stress and give you greater inner peace and happiness.  Thank you as always, for stopping by and THANK YOU FOR SHARING!)  ❤

weiselcantlin2

Is Your Universe Out Of Balance

Have you ever felt like there was something off and you couldn’t quite place your finger on it?  Perhaps you felt a bit down for a few days without explanation.  It could be that your life is simply out of balance.

We have several different areas of our lives in which we need to keep balance in order to maintain a sense of order.

  • Family obligations
  • Work
  • Household chores and maintenance
  • Finances
  • Personal time, including hobbies, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual time
  • Sleep and rest
  • Society

The lists are different for each person but these are the basic priorities for most people.

What happens when any area is not getting the appropriate attention is that we start to feel off balance.  You may not notice the affects immediately.  Your partner may tell you that they are feeling neglected, the kids may be pulling at you for more attention, you may notice you are getting cranky with everyone because they are demanding your time and you don’t have enough, you may start to feel fatigue or notice weight gain from not enough sleep or exercise.

The solution can be as simple as recognizing it.  Once you realize you have been neglecting a certain important area of your life, rearrange your schedule a bit to accommodate that which is in need of your attention.  Some times it requires you saying, “no” to areas of your life that have been consuming you.  You will need to prioritize and maybe even delegate some things that have your plate overflowing.

You will start to notice a shift and feel a little more at peace when things are in alignment.  Keep in mind for the future to not let the most important areas of your life slip through the cracks.  Some things, especially time with those we care about require us to stop everything in order to focus on them.

We have the potential of making the mistake of placing one area of our lives as our sole priority.  That never works.  The scales will tip almost immediately and everything will feel out of balance.  Relationships will suffer, work productivity will go down, you may end up getting physically ill, etc.

Understandably, there may be times when life forces you to have one main focus, such as when you have to be a caregiver to a sick child or family member for an extended period of time.  That is understandable.  When those times arise, you must rearrange your life so that others help you as well so that the balance is kept.  It’s okay to ask for assistance when you absolutely need it.  There are times when you will simply not be able to do it all.

Take one day at a time, pay attention to how you feel and the way your body is responding as well as how the people in your lives are reacting to you, and you to them.  It is possible to have a life that is in balance.  It may take time to figure out how to juggle everything but it is possible.  Remember to focus on the solution and not the problem itself.

 

What areas of your life are out of balance?

 

Don’t forget to sign up for updates to this blog and share with friends on Facebook and Twitter.  As always, I appreciate you stopping by.  For further tips and inspirations on how to reduce your stress and increase your inner peace and happiness, please see the posts on the right or search through the categories to find exactly what you are looking for.    ~ Missy